Monday, March 19, 2012

See Mama Again


INT. MAMA & DADA’S ROOM:  SUNDAY MORNING – 5:54am

A dog snores in the distance. Everyone in the house is asleep. Or should be.
Suddenly 2-year-old TODDLER's wail pours through a baby monitor.

5:54am:
TODDLER “MAMA!” (pause) “Ma-maaaaaaaaaa!”

5:57am:
DADA: What the --?  What was that?

MAMA: I think you know.

DADA: The apocalypse?

MAMA: We should be so lucky.

DADA: An hour and a half early? I guess he doesn't know it was St. Patrick's Day last night. 

MAMA: We haven’t celebrated St. Patty’s Day since the Little Dude was born.

DADA: I know, but after only 4 hours of sleep I feel almost as wiped out as if I’d had 10 Guinness’s last night.

5:59am: 
DADA: I'll get him. 

MAMA: Good idea -- zzzzzzzzzz

INT. TODDLER'S ROOM: 6:02am

Tired DADA shuffles in to find TODDLER standing at attention. Whimpering ensues. From Dudes both Big and Little.

6:02am:
DADA: What's the problem, little man?

TODDLER: See Mama?

DADA: She’s resting, but it's OK, Dada's here. What's wrong? 

TODDLER: See Mama?

DADA: Mama's sleeping, like most of L.A.; did you have a bad dream?

TODDLER: See Mama Again! 

DADA: So, tell me, what do you really want?

(Crying ensues. TODDLER is extracted from crib.)

6:05am
DADA: Here's the deal: you can stay in your crib and sleep, we can rest in your rocking chair or (under his breath) you can rest in Mama and Dada's bed. 

TODDLER: Mama Dada Bed!

DADA: You can only go in there if you are going to rest. Are you going to close your eyes and go back to sleep? 

TODDLER: (Emphatically) Yes! Yes!

DADA: Yeah, you seem tired.

INT. MAMA & DADA'S BED: 6:10am

6:10am
MAMA:  Are you sleepy, Little Dude? 

TODDLER: Yes, me rest eyes.

MAMA: OK, Mama rest eyes, too. 

DADA: Goodnight everyone.

(TODDLER lies down and closes eyes. The room goes silent. Out of fear, MAMA & DADA don't make a sound.)

6:20am
TODDLER: See Buzz and Woody! 

DADA: Buzz and Woody are sleeping now. Probably because they know that they’ll be blown up by Sid if they don’t. Let's go back to sleep, dude. 

TODDLER: See Mickey Mouse? 

DADA: Mickey and Minnie were out late last night for St. Patrick's Day. They threw a big bash at the Clubhouse. They're sleeping, too.

TODDLER: See Mama Again! 

MAMA (from 6 inches away): I'm right here.

(For 5 minutes a game of pinball occurs in the bed. MAMA on one side. DADA on the other. Both semi-comatose. TODDLER bounces back and forth between them, as though he’d just chugged a case of Red Bull)

6:30am
MAMA: Do you want to sleep or play?

TODDLER: PLAY!

DADA: OK, I'll take this one. Then you'll only be up 600 morning shifts on me. 

MAMA:  600? You're getting warm...

INT. TODDLER'S ROOM – 6:35am:

Lights are low, toys are flying. TODDLER is squealing with delight. DADA is catatonic.

6:35am:
DADA: DADA is going to play “sleep in the rocking chair”. Do you want to play, too?

TODDLER: No sleep. Read books. 

DADA: OK, you read and I'll watch you. With my eyes closed. 

TODDLER: No, Dada read books!

DADA: (grumbles) OK, pick ONE book.

TODDLER: Dis one--

DADA: NOT that one. It has, uh, too many words. 

TODDLER (frowning): See Mama Again!

DADA: In a little bit. She’s resting.

TODDLER: Choo Choo time? 

DADA: OK, Dada is going to lie down & you can drive the trains on my back. 

TODDLER: Dada is train track?

DADA: Yup. Wake me up, I mean, let me know when you are finished. Hopefully in an hour or two.

7 minutes later, DADA is woken up by Thomas the Train plowing into his ear canal.

6:45am:
TODDLER: See Mama Again?

DADA: Let's, uh, play with your dinosaurs.

TODDLER: No dinosaurs!

DADA: Elmo?

TODDLER: No Elmo!

DADA: Aren't you tired? 

TODDLER: No tired! 

After a few more minutes of negotiation, TODDLER lets out a bellowing yawn.

7:04am:
DADA: Are you sure you don't want to rest your eyes for a few minutes?

TODDLER: No rest!

DADA: Since you are up, do you want to go clean the bathroom? If so, go light on the bleach.

TODDLER: No clean!

DADA: So what do you want to do? 

TODDLER: PLAY!

DADA: See Mama Again?


                                                                                  


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27 comments:

  1. I miss those times. Really. Love him up when that happens, because I swear you'll miss it. I wouldn't believe it if someone had told me that then, but now I remember those crazy early mornings and wish I could have them back sometimes. Great post!

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    1. Even as I know you say it from experience, it's still hard to believe. As a morning person, it's even harder :)
      Thanks for your kind words, P&P!

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    2. I am not a morning person either! Never have. I just loved having him want to be with me all the time. He's only 5 and he's already drifting away from me. Wipes off kisses and tries to ward off hugs...so depressing. :(

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    3. That'll change, believe me. I can tell that you are too good of a parent for him to not "get it".

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  2. Probably good I'm not a parent. When I read this, my first impulse is ground up Ambien in the kid's apple juice...

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    1. My kid won't drink apple juice, so that wouldn't work. Unfortunately, I can't find a cure.

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  3. oh have i been there. only my husband NEVER gets out of bed first. (my secret: we let the kid watch tv in our bed weekend mornings.)

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    1. As I kindly noted, my wife is waaaaaaaaaay ahead of me in early wake-ups, but I've had 2 in 3 days now (including today) and am ready for a serious nap.

      When this happened sporadically, we would bring him in and put the TV on so we could sleep. But then I think he realized he could wake up early and it meant TV time, so we've had to nix that so it doesn't become a daily occurrence.

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  4. Oh Jesus this brought it all back and I'm tired FOR you just reading it! (-:
    So hilarious. Really, and I loved the screenplay format...

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    1. Thanks, Ado. I'm glad that you appreciated the format. Just a little twist.

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  5. Just my .02, never bring the kid back into the bed! NEVER NEVER NEVER! They never go back to sleep. Feeling the pain, I've got a 2 yo & a nearly 4 yo!

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    1. We've learned that the hard way, Jackie. Now we vote on who goes to him.

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  6. This just reminds me how much I love sleep...

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  7. This gives me flashbacks. I have had a lot of toddlers. You nailed it and made me think that I might have a little PTSD. ; ) Erin

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    1. I can't even imagine the flashbacks, since I'm just going through it, but I can't imagine they are very fun. Something else to look forward to, Erin. Thanks.

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  8. "You can drive trains on my back" -- you had me laughing from then on. Just to give you a little glimpse of the light at the end of the train tunnel, my twelve-year-old practically goes into a coma when he hits the bed and I practically have to set his room on fire to get him up in the morning. And he was definitely a "let's play at 5:00 AM" toddler. Great post!

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    1. I look forward to those days, Louise. They seem a loooooooong time from now, though. Sigh.

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  9. Haha! No, they never go back to sleep. Best to just get up and brew a stroooong pot of coffee ;)

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  10. from the mother of a toddler who until last week never slept past six a.m., let me say: i feel you. deeply. good luck, friend.

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    1. Likewise! Best wishes on that continuing. Is it improving?

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  11. How do they learn to lie that they'll go back to sleep and have us fall for it? Mine is 5, this still happens. Loved this post!

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    1. Thanks, Michelle. It's something inherent, I guess. If that's how smart he is at 2 (or 5, in your case), what's going to happen in 12-15 years?

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  12. We've had those patterned mornings. I do NOT miss them. Right now the kids are on a 6:15 wake-up for the most part. On wonderful mornings they'll play until closer to seven - if it's the weekend. Ahh 45 minutes of bliss!

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    1. That is brutal. I guess you are truly living for the weekends, eh?

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