INT. MAMA & DADA’S ROOM: SUNDAY MORNING – 5:54am
A dog snores in the distance. Everyone in the house is asleep. Or should be.
Suddenly 2-year-old TODDLER's wail pours through a baby monitor.
5:54am:
TODDLER: “MAMA!” (pause) “Ma-maaaaaaaaaa!”
5:57am:
DADA: What the --? What was that?
MAMA: I think you know.
DADA: The apocalypse?
MAMA: We should be so lucky.
DADA: An hour and a half early? I guess he doesn't know it was St. Patrick's Day last night.
MAMA: We haven’t celebrated St. Patty’s Day since the Little Dude was born.
DADA: I know, but after only 4 hours of sleep I feel almost as wiped out as if I’d had 10 Guinness’s last night.
5:59am:
DADA: I'll get him.
MAMA: Good idea -- zzzzzzzzzz
INT. TODDLER'S ROOM: 6:02am
Tired DADA shuffles in to find TODDLER standing at attention. Whimpering ensues. From Dudes both Big and Little.
6:02am:
DADA: What's the problem, little man?
TODDLER: See Mama?
DADA: She’s resting, but it's OK, Dada's here. What's wrong?
TODDLER: See Mama?
DADA: Mama's sleeping, like most of L.A.; did you have a bad dream?
TODDLER: See Mama Again!
DADA: So, tell me, what do you really want?
(Crying ensues. TODDLER is extracted from crib.)
6:05am
DADA: Here's the deal: you can stay in your crib and sleep, we can rest in your rocking chair or (under his breath) you can rest in Mama and Dada's bed.
TODDLER: Mama Dada Bed!
DADA: You can only go in there if you are going to rest. Are you going to close your eyes and go back to sleep?
TODDLER: (Emphatically) Yes! Yes!
DADA: Yeah, you seem tired.
INT. MAMA & DADA'S BED: 6:10am
6:10am
MAMA: Are you sleepy, Little Dude?
TODDLER: Yes, me rest eyes.
MAMA: OK, Mama rest eyes, too.
DADA: Goodnight everyone.
(TODDLER lies down and closes eyes. The room goes silent. Out of fear, MAMA & DADA don't make a sound.)
6:20am
TODDLER: See Buzz and Woody!
DADA: Buzz and Woody are sleeping now. Probably because they know that they’ll be blown up by Sid if they don’t. Let's go back to sleep, dude.
TODDLER: See Mickey Mouse?
DADA: Mickey and Minnie were out late last night for St. Patrick's Day. They threw a big bash at the Clubhouse. They're sleeping, too.
TODDLER: See Mama Again!
MAMA (from 6 inches away): I'm right here.
(For 5 minutes a game of pinball occurs in the bed. MAMA on one side. DADA on the other. Both semi-comatose. TODDLER bounces back and forth between them, as though he’d just chugged a case of Red Bull)
6:30am
MAMA: Do you want to sleep or play?
TODDLER: PLAY!
DADA: OK, I'll take this one. Then you'll only be up 600 morning shifts on me.
MAMA: 600? You're getting warm...
INT. TODDLER'S ROOM – 6:35am:
Lights are low, toys are flying. TODDLER is squealing with delight. DADA is catatonic.
6:35am:
DADA: DADA is going to play “sleep in the rocking chair”. Do you want to play, too?
TODDLER: No sleep. Read books.
DADA: OK, you read and I'll watch you. With my eyes closed.
TODDLER: No, Dada read books!
DADA: (grumbles) OK, pick ONE book.
TODDLER: Dis one--
DADA: NOT that one. It has, uh, too many words.
TODDLER (frowning): See Mama Again!
DADA: In a little bit. She’s resting.
TODDLER: Choo Choo time?
DADA: OK, Dada is going to lie down & you can drive the trains on my back.
TODDLER: Dada is train track?
DADA: Yup. Wake me up, I mean, let me know when you are finished. Hopefully in an hour or two.
7 minutes later, DADA is woken up by Thomas the Train plowing into his ear canal.
6:45am:
TODDLER: See Mama Again?
DADA: Let's, uh, play with your dinosaurs.
TODDLER: No dinosaurs!
DADA: Elmo?
TODDLER: No Elmo!
DADA: Aren't you tired?
TODDLER: No tired!
After a few more minutes of negotiation, TODDLER lets out a bellowing yawn.
7:04am:
DADA: Are you sure you don't want to rest your eyes for a few minutes?
TODDLER: No rest!
DADA: Since you are up, do you want to go clean the bathroom? If so, go light on the bleach.
TODDLER: No clean!
DADA: So what do you want to do?
TODDLER: PLAY!
DADA: See Mama Again?
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