The Trick to Becoming an All-In Parent

Beyond my Monday through Friday preschool drop-off routine, which I adore, as a work-at-home parent I often spend more time at home than I’d like. So on the infrequent occasions when I do get out, I try to make the most of whatever the outing may be.

For some reason we’ve had a slew of holiday-related events to attend this year compared to prior Decembers. When I looked at our calendar with my worn bloodshot eyes a few days ago I noticed a Saturday evening family event that sounded fun if I could stay awake. Then, as luck would have it, I was invited to another event with some dudes the same night and of course at the same time. How could I attend both, which is what I wanted to do, while making sure everyone was happy and no one felt neglected, most importantly the Junior Dudes.

I deliberated what to do as the holiday event would be fun and so would the incredibly-rare “guys’ night out”. So I decided I’d skip the family event to go out with the guys, which seemed reasonable as I’d been to seemingly a thousand family events this month. That night while I slept, along with a dream of going waterskiing in gravy with an octopus, my subconscious told me I’d made the wrong choice. I had to figure out a way to make both things work if I was going to make everyone, include myself, happy in the end.

I consider myself to be an “All-In” parent. I work hard to be actively involved in my boys’ lives and I aim to remain that way. Each time I see disengaged parents at parks, parties and elsewhere, it inspires me to double check where I am with my own boys. I can honestly say that as this year comes to a close, I’ve been more successfully entrenched with my boys than last year.

So I went back to my friends who invited me out and asked if they’d be open to pushing back their invitation a bit so I could attend both events that night. Though I anticipated resistance from a group and an existing event, I was surprised when none came. They were amenable and I was set for a big night out, or at least the kind of big night out a sleep-deprived father of two little ones has these days.

Glow in the dark dreidels are rad. 

I got my boys bathed and ready for our family holiday event and we were on our way. I spent quality time watching them play dreidel, eat latkes, sing and dance at a wonderful Hanukkah event and at the arranged time, my buddies picked me up and we headed out on the town while Mrs. Dude was all set to get the Junior Dudes in their PJs for the ride home and straight to bed.

So where does an “All-in” dad head for a night out? How about to check out Applebee’s new “All-in burgers”? Though I’ve been working toward a healthy lifestyle this year, I know that it’s OK to enjoy deviation from time to time in moderation. As Jack Nicholson said in The Shining, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. I don’t want to be dull, hungry, or the caretaker of a haunted resort so I was eager to check out the “All-in” lineup, where the cooks actually ground toppings into the beef. Brilliant.

We enjoyed some appetizers, like the amazing pretzel roll thingamajig, and I settled on the Mushroom Swiss All-in from the 4 options on the menu. Honestly, I was skeptical of how the burger would taste with everything crammed into one mass, but it presented and tasted better than I expected. I’ve been to burger places that try to get too fancy and the myriad toppings all get lost among each other. That didn’t happen here. The mushrooms were perfect and the oozing Swiss cheese was the perfect complement. As my stomach displays, I’ve had many a burger in my time and this is one of the better ones I’ve had lately. My compadres enjoyed theirs, too, so I’d guess that we’re all-in on the “All-in burgers”. 

My #BurgerSelfie

All in all (pun intended), it was a great night. Family, friends, food & festivities made for a great double night out and thankfully I returned home satisfied from both my dinner and my decision to fit both events into the evening.  

Disclaimer: I was compensated by Life of Dad, LLC and Applebee’s for this post, as well as given a complimentary meal to test things out. All opinions and ideas contained in this post are mine alone, for better or worse. 

What is a Dude?

While at dinner recently with my wife and son and another couple and their two kids, an interesting question came up.  While the wives were making sure the kids were eating, the husband (we’ll call him Doc) was asking me about this blog. He posed a question that really intrigued me and captivated us throughout the meal. The question Doc asked was “What is a Dude?”

Since I am the “Dude of the House” he wanted to know what constitutes a Dude and distinguishes him from the average “Man”.  Full disclosure: when I first started writing, my original handle was “Man of the House”.  Then after a little online research, I discovered that “Man of the House” was a super-lame movie from 2005 starring Tommy Lee Jones* where (according to IMDB): “A Texas Ranger must protect a group of cheerleaders who have witnessed a murder”. Because that happens a lot in real life. 

My first thought was that a Dude is a guy that you want to hang out with. But why?  Doc and I started discussing the criteria of who is a Dude and what constitutes a Dude and we came up with a few ground rules:

The Dude abides. 

·          A Dude is independent minded.  He’s confident, not afraid to be a trail blazer and marches to his own drummer.  I think to anyone of my generation, there is one man who comes to mind when you mention the word “Dude”.  Without a doubt it’s The Dude. Duh. Jeff Bridges’ Jeff Lebowski never hesitated to wear his bathrobe while cruising around LA and carrying his Ralphs’ card as his only ID. He stood up to Walter and was not afraid of the nihilists. And when he got jerked around by The Big Lebowski, he simply chose a replacement rug and made it his own.  

                                                      

·          A Dude is cool without trying to be.  On the great “Modern Family”, of the six main male characters there are two Dudes. You might think that Phil is one, but he is clearly not.  He really doesn’t possess any of the traits I listed above and he follows his teenage daughter’s boyfriend around like a lost puppy.  I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him for comic relief, but he’s not a Dude.  The real Dude is Ed O’Neill’s Jay (and not just because of his name).  He owns a successful business, married a woman much better looking than he is and is open minded & clever enough to subtly reason with his crazy family. This is not O’Neill’s first brush with being a Dude, as Al Bundy was also one but for reasons more like the aforementioned Mr. Lebowski .

·         Age is irrelevant to Dude-liness.  The second Dude from Modern Family is Rico Rodriguez’s Manny. Even though he’s a pre-teen Manny fences, drinks espresso and wears a burgundy dinner jacket on a regular basis. He’s also not afraid to pursue the older girls that he is attracted to, even though one of them is his 17 year old step-niece and another was in her 20s that he met in an online forum. Never change, Manny. 

      Another person for whom age has no bearing on being a Dude is Jack Nicholson.  Jack is still as much of a Dude now that he’s in his 70’s as he was when  during the 70’s.  He’s still the kingpin, the alpha dog and the guy who spends $5,000 per game to sit courtside at the Lakers’ games while wearing his shades.

·         Dudes are real people, too.  My explanation has mainly talked about fictional Dudes so far, but there are plenty of Dudes in real life too.  Our two most recent ex-Presidents are both Dudes, but very differently. Bill Clinton was a smooth character who redefined the public face of a politician when he played the saxophone on  the Arsenio Hall (who is not a Dude) show. Born poor in Arkansas, he ate at McDonalds and overcame rumors of infidelity to become the most powerful Dude in the world. His successor, Dubya, is a literal Dude but mainly because he lives on a ranch in Texas.

·         Women can be Dudes, too.  Melissa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids”. Enough said. 

Pop culture is where we find many of our Dudes these days.  Dr. Drew tries to be a Dude, but falls way short. Yes, he hangs out with rock stars, acts hip and can sort of relate to the younger generation, but he’s also the most vanilla looking guy on earth and just thinking about him makes me almost doze off. 

At the end of the day, your Dudeliness is what you make of it. You can be a free-thinker, independent and a revolutionary innovator and still not be a Dude. Just ask Mark Zuckerberg.  Yeah, he’s the world’s youngest billionaire but he also ripped off the Winklevosses for hundreds of millions of dollars. Not cool. And he keeps changing how my Facebook page looks, which is also not cool. 

In my house, there are two Dudes. I’m the Big Dude and BC is the Little Dude.  He’s not even two years old yet and he already regularly flirts with women 10-20 times his age while out and about.  I guess I’m a good Wingman for him, which is another important trait for a Dude to possess.  Over time, I will teach him the ways, but like Mr. Miyagi to Daniel-san, it will be so smooth that he won’t even realize he’s being taught.  

So after much thought, I’ve learned that Dudes come in all shapes and sizes, colors, sexual orientations, religions, etc. There is no hard and fast rule but one thing to keep in mind when you’re trying to figure out someone’s status:  If they fall short of being a Dude, they are just a Dud. 

What do YOU think a Dude is? Who are your favorite Dudes?

* Tommy Lee Jones played Dudes in both The Fugitive & No Country for Old Men

**Special thanks to MK for the thought provoking question that inspired this post**

Thanks for reading The Dude of the House! Tell your friends... 

--JJ aka The Dude of the House

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.