My Motherless Mother's Day Paradox

When I was younger (i.e. before I had kids) I used to celebrate New Year’s Eve by going out to parties, dinners and other festivities. Now Mrs. Dude and I stay in, make our traditional Appetizer Dinner, and usually fall asleep before the ball drops.

When I was even younger than that, Halloween was always a chilly Midwestern night spent running around the neighborhood with friends, dressed crazily and on the hunt for a slew of candy. These days I spend October 31^st chasing down my 2 Junior Dudes, trying to get that one elusive snapshot featuring both of them actually smiling and looking at the camera while dressed in their costumes. I still try to get a slew of candy, though now it’s under the auspices of being for the kids.

The way we celebrate events and milestones evolves over the course of our lives. Things that seemed extremely important then (like having a Valentine) are not nearly as important as I realize that others are now (understanding why Martin Luther King Day is not just a random day-off).  There are also some days that we don’t realize the importance of until after the fact.

This year, for the 6^th year in a row, I’ll honor Mrs. Dude on Mother’s Day. The first year was merely symbolic, since she was just completing the first trimester with the Little Dude in her belly, but the last 4, plus this year, are the real deal.

Also this year, for the 4^th year in a row, I’ll remember my own Mother who is now infinitely farther away than she was on the phone calls I made to her over the previous 11 second Sundays in May while living 3,000 miles away from her.

This maternal dichotomy has turned Mother’s Day into a bittersweet time for me. I couldn’t be more proud of my wife for the amazing job she does day after day caring for and nurturing our two spirited young sons. But I also couldn’t miss my own mother more than I do on this day, for some reason more than on others.

There are myriad annual events which might be considered more important or seem more significant like birthdays, anniversaries or even the date of her death. But for some reason Mother’s Day now always feels like a bucket of ice-cold water to the face for me. Maybe it’s the regret of not spending more of these holidays actually visiting her or it could just be further reinforcement of the finality of her passing.

Just as I felt like an outsider while growing up Jewish during Christmas season, silently dreaming of the grass being greener in the other Testament, now for some reason I have a hard time shaking the emptiness that is inherent this time of year.  Again, this is not a knock on my own wife who will be celebrated from start to finish that day because she has earned and deserves it. But these women who sacrifice literally everything for their children & families should be remembered not only on a random Sunday, but every day. These incredible parental legacies must live on, whether they are around the corner or on the other side of fate.

Maybe the most important thing I can hope is that just as my Mother used to wait up for me to come home around midnight when I was a teen to make sure I was home safely and securely, that she is still watching out for, or over, me to make sure that things are OK on my side. It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest to know she’s looking for assurance that I’m happy, which I usually am, or that my family is thriving, which we seem to be.

What I now know is that even though I only got 35 Mother’s Days with my Mother, which was more than some people get and less than others, those were the best possible gifts for her and for me. Now I must teach my boys to make the most of their own Mother’s Days, because no matter how many they get it might not be enough to fully honor the most special person in their lives: their Mother. 

Happy Mother's Day to you and yours. 

The two finest mothers I could ever imagine:
 Mine (L) & Mrs. Dude (R)
10-month-old Little Dude (C)

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Hey, I'm all about Instagram these days.Come hang with me there: @DudeOfTheHouse

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Rockin' Friday: Iko Iko

For this week’s Rockin’ Friday selection, I made a choice related to the big holiday that occurred earlier this week. No, not Valentine’s Day. Mardi Gras! This past Tuesday was Fat Tuesday and though I personally celebrate that about once a week, this was the big one in New Orleans kicking off the pre-Lent festivities.

Iko Iko is a classic New Orleans song about two tribes battling during Mardi Gras. One tribe’s “spy boy” threatens to set the other’s flag on fire, among other fun activities. Though the song dates back to the mid 1950s, the chorus “Jockamo fino a na ne….” dates back much further and its meaning is not really known.

Iko Iko has been covered by many artists over the years and appeared in countless movies and TV shows. One great scene in Rain Man features it playing when Dustin Hoffman is playing Blackjack in Vegas, and winning big. 

The most famous version of Iko is by the Dixie Cups, who recorded it by accident in the 1960s. The band started harmonizing a capella while in the studio one day and didn’t realize that they were being recorded. The producers added some basic rhythm and turned it into a big hit.

Here's a great version led by Nawlins native Dr. John, with a Hall of Fame supporting cast: 

What's your favorite version of Iko Iko or Mardi Gras themed music? 

Who Likes Chocolate?

On the Jewish holiday Passover, we ask “Why is this night different from all other nights?”.  The question is answered and the evening moves on toward an ultimately very bland meal.  So on this February 15^th, I’ll ask you how your Valentine’s Day was different from all other days? 

My V-Day consisted of a dinner of Kraft Mac and Cheese and an exhausted wife who passed out while I was brushing my teeth.  I can’t blame her, though. Between the flossing, brushing and Listerine the process takes almost an hour.  But I’d rather spend the time doing that, then driving to see my dentist, Dr. Quiverfinger, again.

We did have lunch at one of our favorite restaurants that we rarely get to anymore. Sure, my brother who was visiting from out of town was there.  As was an antsy 2 year old that I had to stop from knocking over the giant gumball machine more than once, but that was all part of the fun. It would have been much less fun if I’d had to spend $500 on gumballs and a new machine.  

Speaking of gumballs, which I’ve never understood the appeal of since the taste wears off before the gum hits your tongue, we are going to try something new today.  Thanks to The Sweet Spot, I am going to host a special giveaway for some lucky readers. 

Do you like chocolate? If not, does someone you live with or know?  In my house, I’m the only one who does and since my pants barely fit anymore, I’m going to share these treats with you. The Sweet Spot donated some fancy chocolate hearts and some fancier shiny metallic pink chocolate orbs that I’m going to find new homes for.  This isn’t the cheap stuff either.  This is super-fancy schmancy chocolate, according to some chocolate experts I know (my tongue and my stomach). 

So what do you have to do to win?  Cash helps.  Just kidding. A new car would be nice.

Actually, the first thing is you must LIKE The Dude of the House on Facebook and/or follow me on Twitter. If you do both, you just increased your chances of winning by having two entries. Pretty easy, huh?

Want a third chance to win? Go to my blog, select a RANDOM blog entry from any month in 2011 (link to all posts is on the top, right margin of each blog page where it says "All the Dude's Posts") and leave a comment about it. Tell me what you thought about it, what you liked or didn’t like.  As part of your comment, tell me that you wish to be entered into the random drawing.

OK, not enough options? Thanks to a reader named Staci's suggestion, whoever refers the most people to my Facebook page also wins. So when you tell your friends to come visit, tell them to say "Herschel Krustofsky sent me" or "XYZ Blog sent me". Fellow bloggers can win too. Because I know they really need the chocolate to come down from all the Red Bull. 

So when do you get your chocolate, because YOU are sure to win? After I reach 1,000 Facebook “Likes” and 1,000 Twitter followers, I’ll choose the winners at random (other than the "most referral" winner). It’s not that hard. If everyone tells a friend or 50, we could get there by dinnertime. Up to you.  Until then, I’m going to finish the half-price Christmas candy I still have around the house. OK, it’s actually from Halloween. I mean Easter.

Thanks and good luck! 

Fine print: Winners must respond within 48 hours of being notified or I will pick new winners. I pick which prize you get. Trust me, they are all good. No whining. 

VD Is Not Fair

I’m not a big political person, nor am I big into protests but there is one cause I feel very strongly about. Whoever decided that Valentine’s Day should be a big national celebration should be shot.  I’m sure it was someone from American Greetings or Tiffany or Whitman’s, which are all fine American companies, but they are more exploitative than Britney Spears at the Hometown Buffet.  

Valentine’s Day is confusing to Dudes their whole lives. When I was a kid, the girls at school used to pass those crappy quasi-cardboard Masters of the Universe Valentines’ cards around to the boys and the boys would reciprocate with Strawberry Shortcake. If you think about it, who could be more romantic than He-Man or Skeletor?  But it was a trick. The girls usually weren’t interested in the boys, but social convention and overbearing parents forced them into distributing V-Day cards to all the boys in the class. 

So if the girls gave cards to all the boys and the boys gave cards to all the girls, how can I say the boys were being deceived and the girls deceptive? Because the girls’ mass distribution was an act of being polite, even though the popular girls really only had eyes for the captain of the kickball team.  When the boys gave cards to all the girls in their class it was more of an act of covering all their possible bases, like playing 5 bingo cards at a time, than actual romantic interest.  Thus in elementary school, the game of cat-and-mouse begins.

Fortunately those cards didn’t cost much and were usually paid for by parents hoping their kids would come home with some mini Snickers bars they could pilfer. In high school and college, the stakes were much greater.  Was it worth the risk of working for several months to rent a limo, go to a fancy dinner and buy an ugly corsage for a girl who may or may not like you?  Again, for the captain of the football team, it’s all good. Captain of Academic Decathlon, think again before passing go or spending $200.

In my mid-20’s, I met a girl just before New Years and started dating her just after.  If I’d known better I would have waited six weeks before calling her, as her birthday was just a few days before Valentine’s Day. The ultimate double-whammy for a Dude to handle.  Perhaps I should have bought her a pack (or two) of Doublemint gum which allegedly would have doubled the pleasure and doubled the fun.  Instead, I had several consultations with her biased roommates which probably led to me spending more than I should have on such a new lady friend that things ultimately didn’t work out with.  In retrospect I should have gone with the gum.

Now that I’m married and have a child, it’s still not clear exactly what I need to do for Valentine’s Day.  Do I need to buy my wife a gift from my 2 year old? Is a card sufficient? Do we need to get him something? He’s not in school yet, so thankfully he doesn’t know about those cheap cards which probably contain modern cartoon characters like Thomas the Train or the Kardashians. 

After hearing all my kvetching you might wonder if I hate Valentine’s Day.  In reality, I don’t. In fact if it wasn’t for Valentine’s Day, I might not be here today.  What you probably don’t know is that my birthday is almost exactly 9 months to the day from February 14^th.  So I guess I should live it up, for if not for the magic of Cupid I might not exist.  

Happy Valentine's Day to my 2 favorite people!

I'm linking up with some great bloggers this week. 

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