My First Baby Shower

Much like Bachelorette parties and sorority hazing, the Baby Shower is a mysterious event that women partake in that men usually aren’t privy to.  And I’ll admit, we are a little curious. Just as most dudes know what really happens at Bachelor parties versus what they tell their wives, we have similar preconceived notions for what goes on at your events (i.e. nonstop pillow and/or tickle fights). Mrs. Dude opted against having Baby Showers during both of our pregnancies, so I had no idea what one really entailed until I attended my first one recently.

I always assumed baby showers consisted of a group of women sitting around, eating salads then cake followed by long talks about baby names, lactation and episiotomies. And honestly, beyond the cake, none of those subjects is of particular interest to me. However when I was invited to the Big City Moms’ recent local “Biggest Baby Shower” event, I figured I should go see if all my preconceived notions were accurate. As it turned out, I wasn’t too far off base.

The line waiting to get inside. 

Held at a beautiful classic building in Hollywood, the Biggest Baby Shower was a massive event for both expecting parents and those with newborns. Having a 6-month-old but no uterus, I wondered how much of the event would be applicable to me and I will admit that I was pleasantly surprised.

While I didn’t hear any discussions of episiotomies (thankfully), there was quite a bit of talk of other changes that women’s bodies undergo both during and after childbirth.  One of the first brands I encountered, Belly Bandit, makes cool looking undergarments designed to help the body regain its pre-pregnancy shape. I was very excited, then quickly disappointed when I learned that their products are only recommended for women, since I still have an extra 10 lbs to drop since the Littler Dude arrived.

There were a plethora of stroller and car seat manufacturers from exotic locations like Europe, Asia and Ft. Wayne, Indiana. Before my first son was born, I was baffled by the myriad options available among the vast stroller displays I encountered. Surprisingly the pimply-faced kid at Babies R Us wasn’t tremendously helpful either. Shocking, right? I wish Mrs. Dude and I had an event like this to attend where we could learn about cool new designs, features and functions before making our decision. Before I was a parent, you wouldn’t believe how long it took me to understand the purpose of a Snap & Go and why we needed one. I saw many similarly lost Dudes at this event, standing beside ready-to-burst significant others, learning from the pros brought in from around the globe by brands like Britax, Peg Perego, Baby Jogger and several more that I never knew existed.

I was amazed how many companies make luxurious potions to help reduce stretch marks and chaffed-nipples. Thankfully, the brand reps correctly assumed I didn’t need either. Whew.

My kids love this stuff. 

With the ultra-picky Little Dude and the ultra-hungry Littler Dude, I checked out some great Organic food options from companies like NurturMe, Happy Family & Ella’s Kitchen. They each have unique health benefits for infants through toddlers by combining the best fruits and vegetables into combos you’d never expect, like Rutabaga, Cherries and Celery. I brought home several samples for both of my boys and every one has been a big hit, leading to a higher success rate than Prince Harry at a singles bar. After learning about those nutritious organic brands, I gorged myself on mini cupcakes from nearby booths for Sprinkles and Georgetown Cupcakes. I believe that’s what is known as a balanced diet.  

Don't worry, I left a couple for someone else to enjoy. 

I met a cool new mother who created an ingenious product called Zippyz. Designed for everyone who has ever struggled to change a newborn’s diaper in the dark or while they’re sleeping: pajamas that zip only halfway up, making it infinitely easier to unzip, change the diaper and re-zip. People like me who often struggle with the unbelievably tricky matrix-style snap-up pajamas will certainly appreciate this great idea. I only wish they made them in my size.

I met bottle manufacturers and myriad must-have baby accessory companies. Coincidentally, all of them have the best products on the market. There was at least one that I could verify: Summer, who makes the multi-camera video monitor system that helps me ensure that both of my boys are snoring in tandem every night.

The Biggest Baby Shower was great for several reasons. First, I finally learned that I’m not missing anything when my wife attends baby showers beside great cupcakes. And second, the event really opened my eyes as to how many unique baby products exist. I just wish this event had occurred about 6 months earlier, before the Littler Dude joined our clan. And that the Belly Bandit would work on me. 

On my way out of the event, I received a ginormous gift bag filled with products from some great baby product companies:

The Littler Dude is obsessed with this
Double Decker bus by Mamas and Papas
from the gift bag

Oh, did I mention that I won a Britax stroller, too?

My moment of fame on the red carpet.
No autographs, please.

Yes, I think baby showers are pretty cool after all. Even if one must endure extensive discussion about, um, chafing  there's always cupcakes. 

Thanks to Big City Moms for inviting me to the Biggest Baby Shower event. Though they let me in the door at no charge, the opinions expressed within this post are completely mine. For better or worse. Check out their website for upcoming events in your area. Seriously, check it out. 

What do you think about Baby Showers in general?

Leave a comment below

The Dude’s Guide to Surviving Your First Pregnancy

The wife of an old high school friend of mine just gave birth to their first child a few days ago. Over the last few months, I’ve been dropping (what I think are) helpful pieces of advice to him as they journeyed down the long three-quarters of a year of gestation. I figured that I’ve been a parent for almost 2 ½ years so I’m basically an expert.

Now that Mrs. Dude is expecting again, I’m trying to remember all of the important details from our first loop around the block. Unfortunately due to major sleep deprivation over the last quarter-decade, I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday. So I’ve decided to compile a reference list of helpful hints for Dudes whose wives/girlfriends/partners are expecting a bundle of joy.  (I use the term wife below, since that’s what I have, but whichever variety applies to you works the same.)

Since your free time is running out, I present without further delay 

The Dude’s Guide to Surviving Your First Pregnancy:

1)      If you don’t know the fruit of your loins' gender, ignore everyone who offers their opinion. If you wanted to know you’d find out. Whether it’s your favorite aunt or the checker at Target, whatever they say is useless. And never do the “ring on a string” trick on your wife’s belly to find out. There are much more scientific options available. Like asking a Magic 8 Ball.

2)      Don’t read “What To Expect When You're Expecting”. I know it’s been around for decades and has gajillions of copies in print, but it could really scare you. You may shy away from your wife when you learn about the numerous colorful bodily functions & expulsions she will endure during these 40 weeks up through and after the main event. Sure, it’s fun to read that the baby is the size of a grape or a plum or a Pony-keg, but 90% of the rest of the book contains warnings like eating Lucky Charms while pregnant is bad for your baby*. It’s so scary, in fact, that I initially thought it was a Stephen King book.**

3)      Do read Jenny McCarthy’s pregnancy book "Belly Laughs". Yes, she is generally a total kook, but her pregnancy book is hilarious and she gives practical advice for both men and women. Trust me on this one.

4)      Go to restaurants you really enjoy. Once Junior arrives you may still be able to go there occasionally, but you’ll be eating so fast you won’t taste the food as you shovel it down your gullet while getting an earful of screaming from your Mini-Me and dirty looks from the nearby tables.  Eating out basically becomes the dining equivalent of doing a beer bong. 

5)      Don’t let Babies R Us employees guilt you into registering for or, even worse, actually buying a roomful of unnecessary contraptions your baby doesn’t really need. Unless you live in an igloo, your baby probably can survive without heated wipes.

6)      Go to the movies as much as possible. Once the baby arrives, you won’t be able to see another movie where Reese Witherspoon can’t figure out that the handsome guy she’s been bickering with actually likes her, without spending $100 in the process, for YEARS. (This is actually kind of a good thing.)

This means war...on quality cinema. 

7)      On a related note, don’t ever watch a birthing video. It’s one of those retina-scarring things that you can’t unwatch. Sort of like a Reese Witherspoon movie.***    

8)      Maximize use of the “Expectant Mother” parking spaces everywhere you can. Your window is small, much like your wife’s bladder for the next few months. If men and women are truly equal partners, there should be no problem with Dudes using these spaces. Even if you are going to pick up some hunting gear or a new flat-screen for your man cave. 

9)      Speaking of her compromised bladder, don’t drive fast over speed bumps and pot holes. (Exceptions: if you put down plastic sheeting on the seat first or if you are trying to induce labor.)

10)   If debating baby names with your wife, pick a name you like then throw in options like “Google”, “Kanye” or “Caligula”.  That context will make your first choice much more appealing.

I hope this list helps as you travel down the path toward unimaginable insomnia.  To quote Robert Hunter: “Believe it if you need it, if you don’t, just pass it on.” 

What advice would YOU give to expectant Dudes?

*=that may not be actual claim from the book, but I remember reading stuff like that and subsequently not letting my wife read the book after the first trimester.

**= They are making a movie based on the book. It looks pretty funny. Hopefully less mucus-related stories than the book.
***= Exception to the rule: Election. Tracy Flick rules.

I'm linking up with the wonderful Stasha this week. She asked for a list of 10 things we are good at and I think the above is a sign of how good of a "pregnant husband" I am :)

As always, I am linking up with Erica and the Yeah Write gang. 

Come check out some amazing writers and vote for your favorites on Thursday.

No Day at the Park

My wife started coming down with something a few days ago and I could see where the weekend was headed. Somewhere not fun. We were all still a little burned out and sleep deprived from our recent trip to tropical Ohio, so none of us was firing on all cylinders. Except the Little Dude. Somehow he always has energy. Even when he’s tired, instead of running around, he rolls around on the floor, bed, patio or any other flat surface he can find. That way he can still move around and rest at the same time.

So while the Dudette was down for the count, I volunteered to take BC to the park on Saturday so he could expend some energy.  I had no idea what I was in store for. I should have checked the weather forecast before leaving the house which would have warned me of possible hurricane force winds.  At least it was sunny out, so when my hat blew off I could chase it and easily locate it. 

Being a Dude at the park with a toddler always draws looks from the women and couples present. And not the types of looks the guy gets in the movies when he’s Matthew McConaughey and the woman is Julia Roberts.   It’s more like women who look like Rosie O’Donnell, yet they look at me like I’m Steve Buscemi.

Yes, he’s my kid and to many people it’s pretty apparent. Yet I get a judgmental look and vibe when I take him to the park, as though I’m there to pull a Jerry Sandusky or something.  The park is supposed to be an open place for kids to run around and have a good time. If I wanted to be judged, I’d go to a nightclub in Hollywood.  Is nightclub even still the right word?  I’m much more familiar with Indoor Play Places and Babies R Us than hip bars anymore.

Anyway, I was pushing BC on the swing and didn’t have to do a lot of work. The wind was whipping fast so he was getting a lot of movement and momentum. It was like he was a human Plinko chip going side to side, up and down. Some kids might be scared, but not my 2-year old tough guy.  He was giggling ecstatically and saying “Ahh-gain!”

Geodesic Dome from my childhood. Looks pretty lame now.

After a few minutes, I realized I was the one getting the exercise so I removed him from the swing and we ran over to the toddler playground.  There are bridges, tunnels, ladders, slides and all kinds of fun stuff for those less than 4 feet tall.  When I was a kid we’d go a nearby school’s playground and climb on the jungle gym.  In retrospect the most fun game was probably Tetanus Dodge, but we were too young to know it at the time. 

When I’m at the park, I keep a pretty good eye on my kid at all times.  It seems like some parents drop their kids off, go to Starbucks for an hour, then come back and pick them up.  Usually while the parents are gone the unsupervised kids proceed to sneeze on all of the handrails and cough on the grip part of the swings.  It’s probably not a coincidence that one of us usually gets sick after going to the playground, so now I usually keep a tub of Purell handy while we are there.  Not for cleansing, but rather to throw at the cars of these negligent idiot parents. 

Going to a park in Los Angeles is like a Social Studies class. You regularly hear people speaking Spanish, French, Russian, Hebrew, Farsi & sometimes even English.  I guess we are kind of boring in comparison. That being said, BC loves the park and we’ll continue to go as he finds something new to play with each time.  And maybe sometime, when everything works out just right, he’ll be more tired than I am when we leave.