Why Tony Soprano was the Best Father in TV History

I took a poll on my Facebook page recently asking who readers thought was the best fictional TV father? While the responses ranged from Bundy to Brady, the greatest number of people said Cliff Huxtable, Bill Cosby’s beloved OB/GYN from The Cosby Show. One reader’s reasoning:

One father who never even occurred to me before this conversation turned out to be among the most popular choices: Tony Danza’s Tony Micelli from Who’s the Boss?  One reader summed Tony up perfectly to me:

Those two fathers, though seemingly polar opposites (one a successful physician, the other a baseball player turned housekeeper), were actually quite similar as the primary goal of both was to give their families a better life. And if you mixed those two dudes together, you'll get who I think is the greatest father in TV history: Tony Soprano.

As a die-hard TV fan, I was a rabid enthusiast of HBO’s The Sopranos throughout its entire eight year run, starting with episode 1 and ending 1 second before the show’s cut-to-black culmination in episode 86. Needless to say, I was shocked to hear of the untimely recent passing of James Gandolfini for several reasons, not the least of which is that he has a brand-new baby at home who is a couple weeks younger than my 9-month-old Littler Dude. A true tragedy. 

Beyond being a great father, Gandolfini’s Tony Soprano was arguably the most compelling protagonist/antagonist combination ever seen on TV. As both a doting father to his two kids, Meadow and AJ, and a godfather of the largest organized crime family in New Jersey, Soprano ruled two distinct households successfully, but never faultlessly.  It was the perfect dichotomy of “fathering” experiences and Tony managed to lead an atypical, yet successful, work/life balance.

The Soprano family, in happier times

You might wonder how I can say that a murdering, thieving gangster could be considered a quality father. The truth is that Tony Soprano is the only “real” fictional mobster, and one of the few "real" fathers, we’ve ever seen. He had issues with his parents, spouse, job and kids, just like pretty much any other parent. He battled endless temptation. His friends frequently let him down or double-crossed him. But he also sought therapy to deal with all of those conflicting ping-pong balls bouncing around his head.  I can’t think of another celluloid Mafia Don who has ever been as vulnerable as Tony Soprano consistently proved to be over the years.*

Tony's other family

Like most people, Tony’s family life was full of challenges. Living in an upscale New Jersey neighborhood, his kids faced the usual struggles that teenagers commonly must deal with regarding school, friends and substances. The Soprano kids became more withdrawn from family life upon learning, kind of, about their father’s line of business. Tony’s parenting philosophy was influenced heavily by his own upbringing, which was often the subject of his therapy sessions. While he was afraid to tell his friends about his therapy and use of anti-depressants for fear of being viewed as weak, I believe he did it for the benefit of not only himself, but also his family. He spent vast amounts of time with Dr. Melfi uncovering layers of damage that his parents, especially his mother who at one point tried to have him killed, instilled in him.

One episode that always sticks out in my mind about the kind of parent Tony was is an early episode titled “College” where Tony took Meadow to visit some schools in New England. In the long car ride up the coast, some big issues were discussed, including drugs, drinking and Tony’s alleged line of work. Tony and his daughter dealt with an uncomfortable line of questioning that went both ways, and that awkward conversation opened the lines of communication for them going forward. The episode later showed Tony being put in another awkward position when he unexpectedly bumped into a former colleague, who’d disappeared years prior into Witness Protection. Faced with the choice of spending quality time with his daughter and doing his “work” made Tony choose how to balance two very important matters, something most parents have to deal with every day. I won’t give away what happened, but will say that Tony was a great multi-tasker.

So while you may scoff at my choice for TV’s best father, and wonder why I didn’t choose Ward Cleaver, Father Ingalls or even Dan Conner, I selected someone who regularly showed the inner-strength to deal with extreme adversity for the betterment of his family. To me, Tony Soprano was that man. 

James Gandolfini, RIP.

Who do you think is the best Father in TV history, and why?

*=Don’t even mention Robert DeNiro in Analyze This, which was released two months after The Sopranos premiered, as he was just playing a hokey parody of a mobster.

The Man with 533 Kids

Too often these days, media represents fathers as hopeless schlubs. I won’t get into the countless examples of “Mr. Mom Gone Wrong” that companies have used in advertising campaigns lately, only to be soundly rejected by the active community of dads who know exactly what they’re doing. As far as I know, most men/fathers are not perfect, but I also don’t know many as inept as the ones I see on TV and movies.

Needless to say, I was excited when I learned the premise of the forthcoming DreamWorks film Delivery Man, starring Vince Vaughn. In the film, Vaughn plays an aging underachiever named David Wozniak struggling with job and relationship issues, when suddenly those issues become trivial compared to some shocking news that shows up at his door one day.  In 1994, David was a sperm donor and due to a “mix-up” at the clinic, he became the biological father of 533 kids, who suddenly all want to meet him. (Ironically, David’s love interest is played by Cobie Smulders, one of the stars of TV’s How I Met Your Mother.)

As someone who is well aware I have 2 kids, I can’t fathom what discovering something of this nature would be like. And not surprisingly, neither can David. As a way of accepting this huge unexpected revelation, he sets out to find his children and figure out the best way to interact with them as he processes what has happened.  Along the way, David gets help, support and a lesson in what parenting is really like from his friend, played by Chris Pratt, who has 4 kids and knows how hard it is.

So why am I telling you all this? After all, Delivery Man won’t be released until November. Luckily for me, and you, DreamWorks chose me as one of 533 bloggers to debut their brand spankin’ new trailer for this movie.  So without further ado, here’s Vince Vaughn in Dreamworks' Delivery Man:

What would you do if you discovered you had 533 kids?

DISCLAIMER: Though I was not compensated for this post, I was given advance screening of this trailer. Hopefully I'll get to see the movie, too. Opinions contained in this post are entirely mine, for better or worse.

I Cracked A Century

Today marks a special day around this Dude’s house.  What you are reading is my 100^th blog post. When I started doing this I never thought I’d hit 10 posts, let alone 100. In fact, I wrote 10 my very first month and thought that I’d exhausted my creativity. But somehow I’ve cranked out another 90 posts and if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’ve read at least one of them. If not, I suggest you go back to the beginning and read each one in order. It will be almost as exhilarating as watching an old lady write a check for a gallon of milk at the supermarket, I can promise you that.

Thanks for your support, Wilt!

As you undoubtedly know from My Favorite Season: TV, I am a sitcom buff. If such a thing exists.  And if you watch sitcoms, you know they always hype the 100^th episode, because that helps them reach syndication and ensures that the producers’ grandkids’ college is paid for. The episode is rarely as exciting as the buildup, yet I’m utilizing the same teaser strategy for this post.

So while thinking of a topic for this post, I remembered that I’ve been honored by not 1, not 2, but 3 bloggers with awards lately. Since very few bloggers get paid, many give each other awards as recognition for amazing writing or to avoid chain letter curses.

I recently received awards from 2 ladies, who rock my world every week with their humor, thoughtfulness and, most importantly, passion for snark.

The awesome Zannah from Write, Rinse, Repeat gave me the Kreative Blogger Award. (And yes, it’s ironically misspelled like that.)  Zannah is a sweet Southerner who is very inspiring to me as a writer. Partially because she is like a younger, female Larry David who says the things everyone wants to say, but few ever do.  And she’s very tan.  

The amazing Sarcasm Goddess from For the Love of Writing presented me with the Very Inspirational Blogger Award. SG is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, coated in a layer of thick-cut bacon. She is a thought provoking writer about some serious stuff and also about how she hates playing kickball. She also loves bacon. A lot. Like most people like oxygen. I believe it is her edible muse.  

So those two ladies, and someone else that I can’t remember or find the link to, gave me awards recently. I guess they think I’m a good writer or something. These things usually come with stipulations.  They usually ask you to fill out some questions, list 10 random things about yourself and then select some other bloggers to receive the award to keep the chain letter ghosts from getting you.  So I’ll do just that.

The questions, directly from Write, Rinse Repeat are:

1)      What is your favorite song: Lately, The Weight by The Band. Though that could change in 5 minutes. It tells a great story in an eloquent way. And has a great chorus, too.

2)      What’s your favorite desert? Probably Mojave. But if the question is intended to ask about my favorite dessert, as most people answer it, I’d go with Banana Cream Pie.

3)      What do you do when you are upset? Depends on the cause. Usually, I honk my horn at the person who cut me off.

4)      Which is your favorite pet? Sort of a trick question, as I’ve only really ever had one.

5)      Which do you prefer, White or Whole Wheat? Whole Wheat is healthier, so I tend to lean in that direction. Not that I generally eat healthy otherwise.

6)      What is your your biggest fear?  That I’ll write a word twice in something tons of people will read, notice and laugh at me.

7)      What is your attitude mostly? Sarcastic. Duh.

Here’s the point where I’m supposed to list 10 random things about myself. Wouldn’t you know it that I just did that for a post not too long ago? Check ‘em out here!

11 Bloggers who I think deserve awards:

Zannah listed 7 bloggers and Sarcasm Goddess listed 15, so I’m going right in the middle with 11. They are amazing writers and good friends. Even though I’ve never met them in real life. Their writing inspires me to become a better writer. They make me laugh and I think one almost brought me to tears. Once. Check ‘em out:

Louise at Raising Ivy

Delilah at Confessions of a Semi-Domesticated Mama

Kim at Mama Mzungu

Oren at A Blogger and a Father

Adrienne at The Mommy Mess

Kimberly at Sperk*

Jen at Kvetch Mom

Joe at Living in Kellie’s World

Tracy at Scribblesaurus Me

Wendy at LMAO with Wendy (Liebman)

Michelle at The Journey

To the winners, here’s what you need to do now:

1)      Thank and Link back to the blog you awarded you (i.e. me)

2)      Answer the 7 questions above

3)      List 10 random facts about yourself

4)      Pick 11 bloggers to pass one of the 2 awards listed above to

5)      Buy me a new car (optional)

I could have listed 50 more, but here’s a sampling for you of some of my favorites. I hope you’ll check them out and tell them I said hello. They might even buy you a drink.

Thanks for checking out my first 100. Here’s to the next hundred (gasp)!

My favorite season: TV

As we cross into the second half of September and summer rolls to its chilly end, the calendar is almost back to the most glorious time of year. No, not autumn. I live in Los Angeles where there is no autumn (or winter or spring, for that matter). No, it is almost time for the Fall TV season to kick-off.

I’ll be honest. I’m a big TV fan. Huge. I’m not quite as rabid as Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy, where the obsession goes to dangerous places.  More like the guys on The Big Bang Theory, except I’m not into sci-fi and I’ve kissed a girl before.  

I’ve always been a big sitcom fan. As far back as I can remember I would watch just about any sitcom that was on TV. I was really into Soap for a while in reruns. I got very sick my junior year in high school. My family did not have cable, so as I laid on the couch for a month recuperating from mononucleosis, I became hooked on reruns of Andy Griffith, Gomer Pyle, etc.  

I remember many Saturday nights as a pre-teen watching the NBC prime time lineup that included 227 and The Golden Girls. Both were obviously shows that I fit the primary demographic for, as a 12 year old Midwestern Jewish male hypochondriac.  No matter the case, I kept watching for better or worse. And more often than not, they were worse.  

I’ve never been a big fantasy or science fiction fan. I find the bizarre characters, alternate universes and odd languages remove me too much from the story as I try to figure out what a Klingon or a Hogwart is.  I know people like that stuff.  Not me.  My wife watches Fringe, a show that has some sort of alternate parallel universe story as its mythology. Huh? I have no desire to keep up with the Kardashians, let alone these physics weirdos.

I don’t get into the procedurals, either. I’ve never seen CSI, NCIS or any of that stuff. It’s hard enough to keep track of all the new networks, let alone watch shows whose names sounds like a dyslexic’s worst nightmare. I was recently surprised to learn that CSI and Law & Order were not the same thing. No joke. Never watch ‘em. I know they all have secondary names, like Law and Order: SVU or CSI: LA. Why not just make one big mega-show and call it Law & Order: CSI, the NCIS years. I don’t know what those acronyms stand for, but I’m sure the producers can come up with an explanation.

Obviously BC is too young to watch most of the shows that my wife and I like. Likewise, I’m generally too old to enjoy the shows that he likes.  I already told you in my blog entry “From Deadhead to Elmo Addict” how he and I have gotten very into Sesame Street. I know it’s cliché, but the show is somewhat tolerable and he likes Elmo. 

What I find most interesting about it is that all of the humans who live on Sesame Street are not at all bothered by the fact that 95% of their neighbors are monsters.  Given the propensity of studios these days to mix things up to keep franchises fresh, I’d like to see Wes Craven direct an episode of Sesame Street. You know that within 10 minutes Luis and Gordon would be slaughtering Big Bird and sacrificing him to Satan in return for the right to eat Snuffleupagus.  That I’d willingly watch. 

There are a couple other shows that BC’s gotten into that I also find intriguing:

Dinosaur Train: This show is possibly more preposterous than Sesame Street.  It’s a cartoon that takes us back to prehistoric times where we meet a family of dinosaurs and their kids. The kids are very curious about other types of dinosaurs and take the Dinosaur Train to other historic periods to learn about them.  Um, were the creators unaware that there were no combustion engines functioning in the Triassic period 230 million years ago? Also, when I was in school it seemed like there were 3, maybe 4 different types of dinosaurs. This show has a new type every episode. How is that possible?  

Yo Gabba Gabba: If you haven’t seen this show, drop what you are doing and go check it out. YGG is like if Sesame Street mixed with the cartoon sequence in any movie where the main character accidentally takes drugs.  It’s a funky show with unique monsters who are all very talented singers and dancers.  The show mixes in C-list celebrity cameos (Weird Al! Rachel Dratch! Angela from The Office! ) and a pimped-out ringmaster named DJ Lance. This guy has sideburns that go on for days and is almost as proud of them as he is of his neon orange jumpsuit and fur hat.  

Yo Gabba Gabba incorporates a lot of music into the program and the songs all have good messages for kids.  Songs about brushing your teeth, being nice to others and always tipping your crack dealer. OK, so I made that last one up.  But if they had a song about it, it would be very nice. They also have a character named Brobee whose superlative in the title song is that he’s “the little green one”. Brobee is either clinically depressed or possibly bipolar; I’m not sure because I’m not a psychiatrist.  Either way, it’s a pretty cool show and it’s on like 17 times a day.

When he’s ready, I’ll introduce BC to the wonderful world of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Parks & Recreation and Louie. I imagine that will be at least a few weeks from now, though. In the meantime I’ll look forward to those shows and several other good sitcoms returning over the next few weeks to populate my Tivo, where they will reside comfortably next to episodes of Sesame Street, Dinosaur Train and Yo Gabba Gabba. 

--JJ aka The Dude of the House

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