Cleaning Up in the Bathroom

Earlier this year, we finally potty trained the Little Dude. He’d already turned 3 and we’d talked about doing it about 8 months sooner, but life got in the way. After a whirlwind weekend of rushing him to the bathroom every 10 minutes, he quickly got the hang of things and was eager to move on to his next stage of life: wearing Big Boy Underpants.

I was ready, too. As his brother had arrived a few months earlier, buying diapers for two was not ideal. And when he refused to wear even a nighttime diaper on the second night of potty training, I praised his independence, even as I feared for his sheets. But my son didn’t let me down, and his sheets have happily stayed dry every night since.

But there was one little thing that I didn’t take into account independence-wise. Even though he was regularly using the toilet for both primary and secondary bodily functions, there was still the duty of cleaning up the doodie after he was finished. Yes, I’m talking about wiping. It’s a dirty subject and some  even consider it taboo, but the truth is everybody does it. (Or at least all men, as I’ve been told women don’t poop, but that’s a story for a different day.)

The Little Dude was under the impression that toilet paper is something to use as a way of hiding the evidence, before it’s flushed away. Truth be told, after trying TP on him a few times, I gave up. It never quite did the job it should have. So on one trip to the store, we picked up a packet of Cottonelle Flushable Wipes. I didn’t know such a thing existed. I also didn’t know that regular wipes weren’t flushable, but I learned that the hard way. I theorized that if “baby wipes” had worked on him to that point, why stop just because he was a “big boy” now?   Then I figured if he’s a big boy and he could use wipes, perhaps I should also explore the option, as a bigger boy with bigger, um, needs.

Needless to say, I was thrilled to recently discover an extremely logical system for bathroom cleanliness issues: the Cottonelle Care Routine. Simply put, the CCR says that you should first wipe with dry toilet paper and then have a second level of cleaning with their wet wipes.  It’s like how you wash your car with soap before you go over it a second time with a coat of wax. Doubling up leads to a far shinier end product.  The Cottonelle Care Routine, when executed correctly, also leads to a far shinier end product. And a cleaner feeling.

The truth is that I’ve already been a big Cottonelle fan for many years (I’m partial to the fluffy kind in the purple package), so I was thrilled when they asked me to spread the word about the magic of Cottonelle wipes & their “Let’s Talk Bums” contest. As a true believer in the magic of a clean bum, I want to encourage you to give it a shot, too. And what could make this more fun than a contest where we talk about bathroom activities? (In a clean way, both literally and figuratively.)

So what do you have to do? You’re going to put on your thinking caps and come up with some Haiku, yes Haiku, about how Cottonelle Flushable Wipes and the CCR do things like change the way you think about cleaning yourself, your bathroom habits and other formerly taboo subjects. Let’s keep it clean, but make them funny, witty, clever, punny and full of entendre. You are going to post those Haiku, with the hashtags #LetsTalkBums and #Haiku on Twitter, but you can also share them on Instagram, Facebook and all the other places you already hang out while pretending to check your email at work.

“But Dude, I don’t remember what a Haiku is?”

Here’s a little refresher course to go along with your refresher course (see what I did there?):

At its most simple, a haiku is a 17-syllable poem separated into three lines; the first and third lines comprise five syllables each, and the second has seven. In order to differentiate these lines, you can either add a line space (using your Enter key), or a “/” at the end of lines 1 and 2.

Here’s an example of my first Haiku Tweet:

So what can you win? Well, each week a panel of experts (me and a half dozen other Dudes) will select the best #LetsTalkBums Haiku Tweet and its Tweeter will win a $200 Amazon gift card. Not bad, right?

At the end of the contest, one of the 7 weekly winners will be chosen at random to win the Grand Prize of an all expenses paid trip to the Dad 2.0 Conference in New Orleans January 30-February 1^st, 2014. 

That’s right, airfare, hotel and a conference pass to hang out with some amazing people, and yours truly, can be yours for thinking of 17 clever syllables. Make me and your 10^th grade English teacher proud and Tweet away.

There’s also going to be a Twitter Party on Monday, September 30, 2013 from 8:00-9:00pm EST hosted by the inimitable @whithonea where they’ll be giving away an iPad Mini and some $50 Amazon gift cards. What do you have to lose? Let’s talk bums, and have fun doing so. Full contest rules are at wipingpoetic.com.

Here’s one more Haiku to get you in the mood:

Come join me, get clean / You could go to New Orlean / Everybody Poops

Disclaimer: I was compensated by Kimberly Clark to participate in this campaign, but all opinions are entirely mine, for better or worse. (And yes, I really use Cottonelle products that I pay for.)

I'm a Super MilkMan!

There was a period of time in the early 2000s when I wore black rimmed glasses and people often called me Clark, as in Clark Kent. My black frames and hair, not to mention my chiseled physique, were somehow reminiscent of Dean Cain who played Clark on some TV show I’ve long since forgotten. Though I can’t leap buildings in a single bound, or even three bounds, like the Man of Steel I have finally become another type of superhero: Super MilkMan.

When the great Dudes from Life of Dad asked me to participate in a contest they were hosting for the National Milk Board, I leapt at the opportunity, which is about the only thing I can surpass in a single bound. What’s the grand prize of this contest, you say? Um, just a trip to meet The Rock, yo. You know the badass former pro wrestler who has starred in a ton of shoot 'em up action movies. And as The Tooth Fairy.  He drinks milk, so I have to believe that if I do as well, I will turn out to be as big and buff as him. So I rarely skip a day of enjoying milk with my cereal for breakfast, and the Junior Dudes never miss a chance to snicker at my Milk Mustache.

My biceps are just a tad smaller. Guess I need more milk. 

But seriously, milk is a great source of vitamins, nutrients and protein. I have to admit, I knew about the first two of those, but was surprised to learn that just one glass of milk has 8 grams of protein. That was great news to me, because as the father of a super picky toddler I often struggle finding ways for him to get his protein. But one thing I never have to convince him is to drink his daily glass of milk. I have to believe that his regular consumption, along with inheriting my superhero-esque resemblance, have contributed to his off-the-charts growth every time he goes to the doctor. I bet he can smell what The Rock was cookin’, or at least drinkin’: Milk.

Here’s my entry into the #SuperMilkMan contest. If you don’t already follow me on Instagram, here’s your chance.

For more info, be sure to check out http://thebreakfastproject.com/ and follow @MilkMustache on Twitter. They’re good people.

DISCLAIMER: I was compensated by Life of Dad, LLC to be an entrant in the #SuperMilkMan contest. Unfortunately it was not with a lifetime supply of milk. All opinions expressed are completely my own, for better or worse.

Pop's Day Contest Winners

Hope you had a great Father's Day weekend. As expected, I spent Sunday at the beach with the family. The weather was perfect and the crowd was minimal, i.e. it was a fantastic day. 

That is until I once again burned the slab of beef ribs I tried to BBQ for dinner. (Side note: does anyone know how to BBQ beef ribs without them turning into charred sticks?). Dinner was followed up with my delicious homemade cookie cake, featuring Mrs. Dude's special frosting made from scratch. 

Yes, I ate most of it. Especially this most appropriate piece: 

And among our beach snacks were PopChips. This week was Salt & Pepper, one of my favorite combinations and quite complementary to our turkey sandwiches. 

But beyond reading about my eating habits, the real reason you're here is to find out who won the big Pop's Day Giveaway.* So without further ado, the big winner of a VIP 6-pack of tickets to the Eat See Hear screening of her choice with seats in PopChips "Fashionably Late" section PLUS a month's supply of PopChips is: @TheBigDebowski

And the 2nd prize of a month's supply of PopChips chips is @whithonea. Not too shabby. 

I will notify both winners via Twitter and they will have 24 hours to get back to me, or else another winner will be chosen.**

Thanks to @PopChipsLA for sponsoring this great contest and everyone who participated!!! 

*Winners were chosen by a random number selector: Mrs. Dude. She had no idea what she was picking, and chose the numbers from ranges I provided, assigned by when comments were left on my original blog post. 

**Even if you didn't win, you can still buy PopChips. They're really good. 

Disclaimer: I was sent enough PopChips to feed Luxembourg in exchange for organizing this contest. And I've eaten a ton of them. All opinions expressed here are entirely mine, for better or worse. 

A Pops' Day Giveaway

Nestled among the holy triumvirate of Dude family gift-giving holidays is a single one when I’m off the hook. Thankfully. This weekend is Fathers’ Day and beyond the blatant commercialism of the holiday, I’m very lucky that I’ll be able to spend the day with my two Junior Dudes and the lovely Mrs. Dude. Last year she made me a giant cookie cake for the occasion and if the Pillsbury bake-off had occurred that day, she surely would have won the blue ribbon. (Yes, I’m campaigning for a repeat.)

Yes, it was amazing. 

The other big thing we did last year to celebrate Fathers’ Day was go to Zuma Beach. Not only is Zuma one of my favorite places any day of the year, but there was perfect weather and I got to spend a perfect day with my wife and then-1.5 children. Mrs. Dude was a trooper, for not only did she not mind lugging to the beach while uncomfortably 6-months pregnant, but she made and packed our whole lunch, as she usually does. Though this should be easy, it can lead to people who want Cheetos, but are forced to eat Funyuns because that’s what was packed. (And yes, I know if I want something specific, I should pack it myself.)

3.5 Dude family members at the beach.
Father's Day, 2012

We won’t have those issues this year, though, because the kind crew at PopChips sent me a slew of their chips to sample. When they offered to send me some samples, I figured it would be a few small bags. They sent me three freakin’ cases containing every flavor they make. No joke. Including an entire case of their brand new Tortilla PopChips, which are like regular tortilla chips but come in better flavors and are healthier for you. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

Yes, I was stunned to find this outside my door.

You’re probably wondering what makes them healthier than “regular” chips while asking yourself if it’s just a gimmick that some marketing whiz came up with. No, it’s true. They aren’t fried or baked, which I just learned are not great for you. Instead they’re popped and contain whole grains, which people tell me are much better for you than half-, quarter- or even zero-grain. And they have half the fat of regular tortilla chips, which apparently is both a) a lot and b) a shock to this Dude who usually eats two baskets on his own at most Mexican restaurants. 

What else is good about them? Well, they’re:

·         Gluten-Free: Which is kind of a big deal these days, though I often ask for a side of gluten dipping sauce for my carbs.

·         No preservatives, cholesterol or fake colors: I see enough of that stuff around LA, as it is.

·         Kosher & Vegetarian: And some flavors are even Vegan!

Beyond the four Tortilla Chip flavors that PopChips just rolled out (Nacho Cheese, Ranch, Chili Limon and Salsa), the PopChips crew has a ton of other great non-tortilla flavors, including Katy’s Kettle Corn. Which is a reference to being Katy Perry's favorite chip...and you know how picky she can be.  Better yet, just enjoy them because they taste good. 

So this year, when we go to the beach for Father’s Day, each Dude family member will get their own bag of PopChips. And no one will be saddled with Funyuns against their will.

To commemorate Father’s Day, or Pop’s Day in this case, the rad PopChips people have a great giveaway for two lucky/hungry reader of this old blog.

PopChips is a sponsor of a cool movie series housed in various L.A. locations called Eat See Hear. This series brings the largest outdoor movie screen west of the Mississippi to show some classic flicks like Elf, Stripes & Boogie Nights to watch in full HD picture and audio. And they make it a party with food trucks and live music before the event. But one lucky winner will win 6 passes to the screening of their choice in the PopChips VIP “Fashionably Late” section, which means you don’t have to get there 2 hours early if you don’t want.

What, you want more? How about a month’s supply of PopChips to go along with those tickets?

But what if you don’t live in LA and can’t get to a screening? PopChips is offering a month’s supply to one non-L.A. reader as well. I told you they are rad.

So what do you have to do to enter?

1.       First you must follow @popchipsla and @DudeOfTheHouse on Twitter, if you don’t already.

2.       Second, you must leave a comment on this blog post telling me that you want to enter the contest and if you are able to go to a screening or are only in it for the PopChips.

NOTE: Please leave your Twitter handle in the comment below so I can reach you if you win!

Winners will be chosen at random on Monday, June 17, 2013 Thursday, June 20, 2013  at 12:00pm PST. Winner must reply within 24 hours or else someone else will be the big winner. So stay tuned.

DISCLAIMER: PopChips sent me a ridiculous amount of their ridiculously good chips. In exchange, I am writing this post and hosting this giveaway. Seems fair, right? 

Any opinions expressed in this post are entirely mine, like the fact that my favorite PopChips flavor is Nacho Cheese.

And the Winner is...

If you’ve kept up with my $50 IHOP gift certificate contest, you know that the response was tremendous. Do people still call them gift certificates anymore? I mean, I know no one really uses those long paper certificates like the old days, but I still think of them that way. Even though they are usually just very colorful credit cards these days.

Speaking of gift certificates, I was at the dentist recently and they had a sign on the front counter advertising that they sell gift certificates. For dental work. If anyone actually took them up on their offer and bought one to give someone else, that might be one of the worst “gifts” ever given.

Apparently there are a lot of people who want free pancakes. And I’m thankful for each and every one of you who took the time to enter. Though I know you only did it for the potentially free Rooty Tooty Fresh N’ Fruity I might bestow upon you and your loved ones.  Hopefully you’ll stick around my blog and become a regular. Speaking of being regular, you should definitely try IHOP’s brand new Whole Wheat pancakes.

So while I’d planned on dragging this out for a while, I think I’ve gone far enough. Thanks to some random generator I found online, the winner of the $50 IHOP gift certificate (OK, card) is Zannah Brown. Despite the fact that she didn’t leave a handy email address on my site.

Zannah, the clock is ticking. Drop me an email to claim your prize.  

If you snooze, you lose and another winner will be picked. So hurry up, Zannah!

Thanks to the kind IHOP crew for letting me sample their new items and for sponsoring this contest.

They gave me free pancakes, but I also like cash, for future reference. 

All opinions expressed during this giveaway were mine. 

Even if they were written while in a maple syrup induced  haze.