Two-Line Tuesday: Beach

Shhhh, he's sleeping

But why does he resemble a Police chalk outline? 

How would you caption this photo?

I Don't Hate My Family

I have a confession to make. It’s something that’s not easy to say, but it’s been on my mind for a while. I’ve hesitated because I don’t want to become a pariah wandering aimlessly in the blogosphere, but I simply have to get it off my chest.

I don’t hate my wife or kid.  

Why is this hard to admit, you might ask? You might think that not hating your family should go without saying. Or at least that’s what I always assumed. But it seemingly goes against what I read from a surprising number of parenting writers on the web on a very regular basis.

There are thousands of amateur and professional parenting writers/bloggers floating around the Internet. I believe each is entitled to express their own opinion in their forum, just as I do. But I don’t agree with what a shocking number of them actually write.

These parents may not flat-out admit their distaste for what you’d expect would be their “loved ones”, but it is a common theme that I’ve read more times than I care to admit.  And it infuriates me every time.  Just to be clear, most people don’t come out and directly say “I hate my daughter” or “my husband is an idiot”, though I have seen both of those statements written on several occasions. It’s usually an off-hand remark about what a pain their spouse/kids/stepkids/siblings/parents are, and more often than not, it’s followed up by a comment about “needing wine”. I’m not a wine drinker, but on the rare occasions that I have had a glass, I know that the only thing it usually does for me is cause drowsiness.  That has yet to help me parent better, so maybe I am not doing it correctly?

I’ve noticed this trend for a while, but it was when I saw this Tweet a few weeks ago that I really became disturbed:

I sent this reply to the Tweet and here’s the response I received:

That may be true. I’m not in her specific position so I don’t know. I do know how challenging parenting one active 2 ½ year old can be and that the only substance I usually rely on is caffeine to help keep me going long enough to finish everything I need to do for him, myself, my wife and our home.

Raising kids isn’t easy. Neither is marriage. I don’t think they are supposed to be. There are built-in surprises and trapdoors to keep you on your toes as you traverse the path of life.  Believe me, I speak from firsthand experience.  If I had any more unexpected plot twists in my life over the last five years, you might think that my story was an episode of LOST.  

If you “Like” me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, you’ll know that I joke around. A lot. The things I usually joke about are funny/annoying/strange things that happen to me and/or my family. They are usually tinged with obvious sarcasm.  Whatever they are, I always take into account how my wife or son would feel if they read them.

On the long list of hats I wear, long before I’m a writer, I’m a father and a husband. And though I may kid about the annoying and frustrating things that happen in life, like how the Little Dude recently started waking up an hour earlier every day and I’m beyond exhausted from it, I don’t think anything I write is overtly mean-spirited toward him. Sure, I’d love to sleep in more. Who wouldn’t? (Beside him, obviously.) But that’s what parenting is, sacrificing for the betterment of our families. If you aren’t interested, don’t sign up. But when I read that someone (or a lot of people) publically berating their family or is driven to drinking by the challenges of parenting, it makes me sad. Sad for them. And sad for the child. 

Dude of the Week: Dudes with Friends

And I got the Triple Letter score, no less. 

If you would like to nominate a Dude that you think would make a good 

Dude of the Week please email me. 

Remember, it doesn't have to be a person & could be a graphic, sign 

or other Dudely interpretation.   

Evil Neon Gaze

The clock is ticking faster than fast. T-minus two months and counting until our manageable trio becomes a crowded quartet.  I wait eagerly. Nervously. I don’t sleep much anymore.

When will he arrive?

Will he be healthy?

With one amazing Little Dude already in the early stages of development, how will adding another to the mix affect his progress? We’ve been warned about the inevitable regression that will happen to our almost-3-year-old when the newborn arrives. 

Will they get along?

How can we prevent jealousy?

There are things we have control over and things we don’t. And however they turn out, we will have to manage the situation to the best of our parental abilities.

Will he feed easily, unlike his brother?

Will he be a great sleeper, like his brother?

As a genetic blend of two parents, there are a million characteristics that will take shape over the years. Some more desirable than others.

Who will he look like?

Will he also be cursed with the worrying gene?

How will I explain why he has only 2 grandparents. That’s something I don’t even fully understand.

When should I tell him?

Will he understand?

I want to give him everything. But right now that isn’t so easy.

How will I pay for it all?

What can I eliminate to give him more?

The C-Section is already scheduled. Just like last time.

Will he arrive early?

Who will watch his brother?

I gaze at the clock on my nightstand. There is a bright neon 3:42 staring back at me.

Will I ever fall asleep?

Two-Line Tuesday: Apocalypse Cupcake

I love the smell

of buttercream in the morning.

How would you caption this picture?

You Know You're a SAHD if...

For the past 2 ½ years I’ve been lucky to be a part-time Stay-At-Home-Dad (SAHD). On a daily basis it’s afforded me the pleasure of interacting both with those who whine and cry all day, as well as toddlers. I’ve spent a surprising amount of time doing things that I never could have imagined just a few years ago. Like watching the same 3 Pixar movies over and over. And over and over. And that’s just in one day. 

The reality is that being a SAHD is a gift. I get to spend quality time with my Little Dude and not worry about the stains on my shirts while out in public, which strangers (usually incorrectly) assume were caused by him. During a recent viewing of Cars, I started thinking about some of the unique characteristics of SAHDs and came up with this short list. 

“You Know You’re a SAHD if...”  

1)     You own what you refer to as your "good" sweatpants.

2)     You know about all of the "kids eat free" deals at nearby restaurants and exchange birthday cards with the manager at your local IHOP.

3)     Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name and that place is MyGym.

4)     You like taking your kids to story time at the library so you can get caught up on 5 games of Words With Friends while they listen to a librarian read 5 books about talking elephants.

5)     Your most recent Facebook status update was "jklljhhhhlppnnn".

6)     You used to know the names and statistics of all your favorite athletes. Now you know the names and numbers of Thomas the Train and his friends.

7)     Your Breaking Bad episodes have accidentally been deleted from your TiVo to make room for additional episodes of Super Why.   

8)     You are more than a little freaked out by your kid’s seemingly innocuous toys after repeated viewings of Toy Story.

9)     The backseat of your car contains more Cheerios than the General Mills factory.

10)  You think Sesame Street jumped the shark when Mr. Noodle's brother Mr. Noodle joined the cast. 

11)  You can justify why dunking your head in the sink and some strategically placed baby powder are just as good as a real shower.

12)  You have plenty of time to finish writing a list like this. At 1:30am.

What unique traits do you associate with SAHDs and SAHMs?

Rockin' Friday: Positively Root Canal

I was having trouble picking a song for this week, partially because I've been distracted by a nagging toothache that has been lingering unnecessarily due to several dentists' inefficiency.  As I sat in the Endodontist's chair this morning, finally receiving the root canal I'd been waiting for, I put my iPod on shuffle and once I heard the first notes of the first song that played, I knew it was this week's Rockin' Friday tune.

The song is Jerry Garcia's 1973 live version of the Bob Dylan classic "Positively 4th Street".  Why was this song the perfect choice? You only have to look as far as the first line of the lyrics to find out:

"You've got a lot of nerve..."

As I was literally having the nerve extracted from my molar, I listened to Dylan's eloquent public dismissal of someone who had a lot of nerve to say they are his friend.  It's not clear if the song is about a specific person or a group, though personally I believe it's about a woman who scorned old Zimmy. We'll never know for sure, but looking at the lyrics, it's pretty obvious that Bob was pretty irritated.  And Garcia's melodic take, accompanied by Merl Saunders on the organ, just kicks things up a notch. Check it out:

What are you listening to today?