Why I Hate the Winter Olympics

When the Seattle Seahawks annihilated the Denver Broncos earlier this month in the Super Bowl, among other things it meant that self-proclaimed “Football Widows” received their spouses back until training camps begin over the summer. What I personally didn’t anticipate was becoming a Sports Widower myself less than a week later.

In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit that I’m a big sports fan. I’m also a long-suffering one as I grew up a Cleveland sports fan. If you’re not a sports fan, I can best explain being a Cleveland sports fan like being the punchline in a nightmare. Anything that could go wrong inevitably does in the most publically embarrassing way. But I’ve grown to live with that. And now that I live on the West Coast with two young sons I seldom make time to sit through many games these days that aren’t Go Fish.  

So how did I come to find myself in the position of asking my non-sports fan wife approximately every 15 minutes every night for the last 2 weeks “is this almost over?” Two words: Winter Olympics.

Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be any more pro-American if I had a pet Bald Eagle named Uncle Sam. I just can’t get into the Winter Olympics, no matter how half-heartedly I try. As I mentioned, I grew up in the Midwest, about 20 minutes from a place where I could have gone skiing every winter for 20+ years and opted to never do so. Intentionally. Unlike Elsa from Frozen, the cold always bothered me anyway.

Over the decade-plus my wife and I have been together, I’ve tried watching some of the Winter Olympic Games with her. However, beyond that I have a hard time recognizing it as a sport, spending time watching sequined couples “Ice Dancing” just doesn’t do it for me.

From what I’ve seen the primary objective of at least half of the Winter Olympic events could be listed as “not dying”. Hell, there’s a sport where the “athlete” lies face down on a tiny metal sled going 80+mph down a curvy icy chute, which is actually called “Skeleton”. Foreshadowing much?

This Skeletoner is laying still like a corpse.
How is this a sport?

Then there’s the Biathlon which combines that natural duo of skiing and shooting a rifle which so many people seemingly do every day. I’d call that Polar Military Training before I’d call it a sport. What about Cross Country, which most people who live in cold weather places refer to as “walking on snow”.

And don’t even get me started on Curling, a “sport” which my housekeeper could likely medal in based on her expert-level proficiency at removing piles of Cheerios from the floor with a broom.

As if their "sport" didn't make them look silly enough...

I was sitting with my wife the other night while she watched the 1^st of something like 86 rounds of some skiing event and kept hearing the announcers mention Rosa Khoutour, which I assumed was some sort of Russian fashion brand. Turns out it’s a mountain. Who would have known?

The centerpiece of the Winter Olympics is always the Figure Skating events, and those have eaten up a big chunk of my TiVo for the last 10 nights. No interest. I didn’t even like Blades of Glory and that starred Ron Burgundy and Napoleon Dynamite, two of the funniest dudes from the last decade.

Part of my ancestry actually stems from Russia and I still couldn’t be less interested in a “Homeland vs. Birthland” story line if NBC created one specifically about me, like the packages they show about athletes suffering from hangnails, misplaced iPhones and other tragedies.

The truth is that the most interesting part of the Olympic coverage to me so far has been Bob Costas’ Pink Eye, which would be a great name for a punk-rock band. Bob’s Oozing Oculars (another good band name) has kept me wondering what kind of medical attention he’s getting that he couldn’t work at an event he’d probably be preparing 6 months to a year in advance for. Who is his MD, Dr. Frankenstein?

The good news is that the games will be over in a few more days and I’ll get 4 glorious sequin-less years until they resume. How long until baseball season begins?

Dairy Delight

Dealing with a picky eater is challenging. Dealing with a kid who refuses to range beyond his half dozen core foods is exhausting. Every time we leave the house for an extended amount of time we have to pack a full meal for our 3-year-old Little Dude. Needless to say, I can now boil pasta in my sleep. And given our current exhaustion level with a newborn in the house, I often do.  

He would eat pancakes 3 times a day, if given the chance.

So as a parent who has dealt with this for 3+ years, one ongoing concern is how he will get his protein, since he flat-out refuses the protein staples most kids eat: chicken nuggets, hamburgers, pizza, etc. He eats a variety of fruits and even some vegetables, which is great, but protein is such an essential item to have throughout the day for energy.

He has an affinity for hot dogs, but I try not to overdo those even though I buy the nitrate-free ones. I’ve tried cheese, both grilled on buttery bread and fresh from the fridge in slices, strings and cubes and he won’t touch them. I’ve tried bribery and not even the allure of new Hot Wheels is enticing enough to make him give any of these things a shot. As though pizza is such an awful thing.

But there is one thing that really whets his whistle. It’s probably the only thing that I can order him virtually anywhere and he’ll actually consume it. Good old fashioned milk.  You always hear the old wives tales about how “milk is good for your bones”. It turns out that old wives are actually pretty accurate sometimes.  I recently discovered that an 8oz glass has 8 grams of protein, which is not too shabby.

I know the feeling...

Since he started preschool in the fall, the Little Dude burns a lot more energy in the mornings than he used to. There are a lot of days when he’ll come home from school and literally lay prone on the floor because he’s so wiped out. I never knew watercolors could be so exhausting, but I believe Picasso was a tired Dude, too.

So when he needs a pick-me-up in the afternoon, I hand him one of his trusty Cars cups filled with the white creamy goodness that only comes from a cow. That tides him over for the afternoon until dinnertime, when his pickiness resumes. It also gives him the energy to get outside and play. I hope that if he drinks enough milk, he’ll soon be able to start training for the 2028 Olympics because given how he sometimes plays with his stuffed animals I think he’d be a good shot putter. So I’m thankful for the vitamins and nine essential nutrients that I know will help him grow big and strong. And thankful for milk, because I don’t know any other natural way he’d willingly get them.  

Milk tastes better when served by Lightning McQueen

Given how important milk is to my children’s growth, I’m teaming up with the “got milk?” Campaign and Fuel Up to Play 60 for the Breakfast Blitz program to help provide $250,000 in grants to local schools across the country to help give kids greater access to a healthy breakfast. Now through Feb. 17, when you buy milk you can vote to have a portion go to a local school.

If you don’t already know, Fuel Up to Play 60 is a great in-school program designed to show students how to eat right and stay active. I know firsthand that choosing healthy foods and leading an active lifestyle gives me and my family the energy to do the things we love.

Want to learn more about the wonderful benefits of milk? Check out:

·  Sweeps page: MilkMustache.com

·  Hashtag: #BfastBlitz

·  FUTP: http://www.fueluptoplay60.com/

·  Facebook: Milk Mustache Campaign

·  Twitter: @MilkMustache

·  Pinterest: Milk Mustache Campaign

·  Instagram: Milk Mustache

I wrote this post while participating in the got milk? FUTP60/Breakfast Blitz Promotion and was compensated, though the opinions expressed are entirely 163% mine. For better or worse. 

Dude of the Week: Alex Morgan

By now you know that I'm not an Olympics fan. But I did see something a couple days ago that really impressed me, and inspired my choice for this week's Dude of the Week.

Soccer isn't my favorite sport, actually I think it's boring. But I saw the last 10 minutes of the USA vs. Canada women's soccer game and was blown away by the game-winning header with 30 seconds remaining in extra-time by Alex Morgan. Apparently she hadn't been living up to her reputation so far in the tournament.
Uh, I'd say that goal changed everything.

And to top Alex's Gold medal, she is also the Dude of the Week.

If you would like to nominate a Dude that you think would make a good 

Dude of the Week please email me. 

Remember, it doesn't have to be a man or even a person & 

could be a graphic, sign or other Dudely interpretation.   

Why I Hate the Olympics

Tired of the Olympics? Me too!

Check out my post “Why I Hate the Olympics” over at my vacation home Draft Day Suit.

Do you love or hate the Olympics? What’s your favorite or least favorite Olympic sport?