My first blog post was written when the Little Dude was 19
months old and still napped in 3 hour blocks every afternoon. He continued that
pattern throughout my first year of blogging, which always gave me plenty of
time to write about the hi-lar-ious things toddlers do. But last summer
everything changed. First, we moved him from a crib to a big-boy bed. And
second, his brother, the Littler Dude, was born.
At face value, I assumed that neither of those events would
have much impact on my schedule but I couldn’t have been more wrong. When no
longer bound to the spatial limitations and high walls of his beloved baby cage,
the Little Dude deemed that naps were no longer necessary, much to the chagrin
of his mother and me. But there was nothing we could do. We tried forcing the
issue, but if he fell asleep it was for a very short time and we usually had to
spend a longer period just trying to get him to go to sleep than the duration of the actual sleep. So we cut out naps
and instituted an afternoon chill period, which usually consisted of watching Toy Story or Toy Story 2. Every freakin’ day. And as someone who is easily
distracted, I have a hard time focusing with a lot of external noise nearby,
even if it’s just Buzz and Woody, so I started writing at night after he went
to bed. That time block was subsequently eradicated a month later when the
Littler Dude arrived. Goodbye, blog.
In a Facebook post shortly before baby #2 arrived, I asked
my page what to do to prepare for our new arrival. Beyond countless people
urging me to sleep, sleep and sleep, a blogger friend named The Robot Mommy suggested I stockpile blog posts for
when I had no time to write. I shrugged that off, telling myself that #2 was
bound to be the good sleeper his brother was, so I’d have plenty of free
time. And the Littler Dude is a decent napper, but there is only one problem: his brother is still awake during
those nap periods. And with energetic 3 ½ year old toddlers there is minimal downtime.
I’m just thankful for the Pixar DVD catalog for some small respites it has
brought me and Mrs. Dude over the last seven months.
So my struggle to find free time has definitely hindered my
creative productivity. And I hate that. But I’ve been thinking a lot about a
“chicken or egg” conundrum that has furthered my inactivity around these parts.
The big question is: should I spend more time away from my kids to focus on my
blog about parenting, or should I spend that time actually parenting my kids so
that I have something to blog about even though I’ll subsequently have no time
to write it?
I started this blog at a major crossroads in my life. My
mother had recently passed away. I was just starting a promising job
opportunity. I had started writing again after an extended break and
inspiration grabbed me like a whirlwind and wouldn’t let go. Oh, and I had a
spirited pre-toddler on my hands. Seemed like a Royal Flush, but now two years
later I have a Full House and don’t know what to do.
That job didn’t turn out how I thought it would and now I
have begun searching for a new opportunity. My blog has seen its share of ups
and downs. I’ve had several exciting blogging opportunities come around, but
haven’t hit the big time yet, not that I ever expected to. But I am
responsible for 3 mouths to feed, beyond my own which is the lowest priority,
and now must begin anew. Again. I have started putting out feelers again, but
haven’t yet found that great job that will send me to Hawaii on a monthly basis
to write about the quality of massages at luxury hotels. So now I have a
greater conundrum on my hands. Do I spend my time focusing on raising my family
and blogging about it or finding a better way to support this family, so that
we can move onward and upward and finally begin living the life we’ve always
wanted. Mrs. Dude and I have got the two great kids and our health and those
are two remarkably lucky things. It’s just everything else that we now find
ourselves searching for. Will I find it on my computer screen after another endless web search? Or might it be
lurking in the satisfaction of helping the Little Dude learn to read?
In an ironic coincidence, as I was typing that last sentence
and trying to think of a way to wrap this up, the Little Dude just arrived home
from the park and excitedly ran in to see me, so my writing time is over
for today. But one look at his smiling face makes it all worthwhile and reminds
me why I do the things I do. All of them. I’ll be back soon to tell you more. . .
What would you do if put in my position?
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