Another Independence Day Loop Around the Blogosphere

It was a holiday weekend and I had Friday off from work. The zoo kicked things off and the beach wrapped it up. In between came a long day in the pool leading into a night spent watching the summer sky become splatter-painted as we celebrated our nation’s birthday. I’m tired. And busy. And often lately I’ve been tired of feeling so busy.

Zero score and four years ago on Independence Day 2011, I sat down at my laptop and started typing. I only had one son and he loved naps, just as I did the simultaneous several free hours they afforded me every afternoon. I miss those days. Life is different now. Mrs. Dude and I are the proud owners of two sweet and occasionally sour sons who, as of just a few weeks ago, combine to take zero naps on a daily basis. My older son ditched his afternoon delight shortly before his brother was born and in a couple short months, the younger and Littler Dude will turn 3.

A few hours after my first post, July 4, 2011

The calendar seems to turn faster every day, week and month and my two babies have become boys. I miss the babies, but enjoy being able to have a two-way conversation now and again. They both sleep about 11 or 12 hours per night, which seem to go much quicker than the other half-day which often moves s-l-o-w-l-y, even when filled with amazingly fun activities. Also, especially when dinner is about an hour away and 60 minutes feels like 600 thanks to the constant snack requests Mrs. Dude and I field.

We’ve been fortunate to have some incredible experiences as a result of this little blog. Many I’ve shared and countless more I’ve wanted to write about but haven’t quite had the time to finish. I frequently think of the tired movie trope of the wannabe writer longing to publish “The Great American Novel”, but settling for being a teacher, actor or whatever, and I find it oddly parallel to my blogging own writing situation. I wish I published more, I really do, but those afternoon hours my boys once filled with sleep (and I with writing), they now want to use for playing, swimming and silliness which, like naps, are finite activities with a likely expiration date of about 10 years when they become tweens and teens who will want nothing to do with me.

So I brainstorm ideas in the shower, when I have no ability to type and the Great American Blog Post once again eludes me. I have a folder filled with dozens of drafts I haven’t finished, or whose timeliness has passed, and wonder if I’ll ever make the time to post them all. There is funny stuff, sad stuff and random ideas which could go either way. I want to push them out. I need to push them out. The thoughts in my head need to be released, but I have to make the time. And I will. Just after we finish putting this puzzle together, then making dinner, bath and bedtime, laundry, dishes and those precious few ZZZZ’s I so long for.

For better or worse I’m still here four years later, which was inconceivable to me on July 4, 2011, when this all began with a very sleep boy and some random silly thoughts. Please stay tuned for there IS more to come, and thanks for sticking with me through it all. Your eyes on my words mean more than you know. 

The Dude family, 4 Independence Days later

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I Got a Job (or How Going to Dad 2.0 Changed My Life)

I got a job.

Rather, I should say, I got a new job, as I already had several jobs both paid and unpaid. The most important and lowest paying one, Father, is easily also the most grueling and most worthwhile. But earlier this year, I decided to look for an additional new challenge.

Something that I could get excited about doing every day and be proud to share with people I meet.

Something that would get me back to being a professional people-person. And not just people in diapers.

Though overdue, I procrastinated the search knowing that it would likely be a major challenge I “didn’t have time for”. Or that’s what I kept telling myself. But then a magical thing happened. I found inspiration in possibly both the most, and also the least, obvious place for me: Houston, Texas.

One only eats things like this in Texas. 

Since I live in Los Angeles, what in Houston could make a loyal West Coaster decide to change his life? Beside good Bar-B-Que, of course. The Dad 2.0 conference. When I attended the second annual conference early this year, I wasn’t sure exactly why I went. Beyond the opportunity to meet and spend time with an amazing group of writers from around the globe, I knew there had to be another reason. Turns out, it was finding a new life path.

At that conference, I spoke to several great Dudes who each inspired me in their own ways. They are all tremendous writers and even better people. So I wanted to thank a few of them for their incredible support, encouragement and friendship of this Dude.

·         Jim Lin: Though I don’t remember the exact dialogue, I’ll never forget Jim’s “Three-Headed Dad” speech where he literally proved just how many hats Fathers really do wear.  Sure, we are parents to our children, and as I mentioned above, that is easily the most important hat we wear, but it’s the other hats we wear that shape us as parents, spouses, employees, consumers and more. Jim’s inspiration extended beyond the conference as I sought to blaze a new trail toward the future.

·         Alan Kercinik: I’d never heard of Alan’s blog before his address at the conference and was quickly blown away by some of the observations this advertising guru presented to a motley crew of Dads. Approachable and open-minded to helping some Dude he’d similarly never heard of before, Alan’s encouragement led me down the path to where I am today.

·         Ron Mattocks: Ron’s practical advice as a Social Media professional gave me the courage to look for new options and really try to find my way toward something great. Ron gave me great inside information that I was able to utilize in my search process. 

·         C.C. Chapman: C.C. gave an inspiring keynote at the inaugural Dad 2.0 in Austin last year and we became Facebook friends sometime after that. When I introduced myself in person this year in Houston, there were two things I wanted to talk to him about: a book and a tattoo.  Just before the conference, I’d noticed a picture on C.C.’s Facebook feed of a tattoo he’d recently gotten that said “Not All Who Wander Are Lost”. That quote was familiar to me from my days following the Grateful Dead, as I remember it emblazoned on t-shirts at Dead shows in the early 1990s. I discovered that it’s a J.R.R. Tolkien quote from Lord of the Rings, and is something I’ve thought a lot about during the last few months of my quest. 

      The quote was apropos when considered alongside C.C.’s book that had been recently published before the conference, Amazing Things Will Happen. I asked a little about the book and C.C. generously offered to send me a copy, which he promptly did and for which I am extremely thankful because I am happy to report that, just a few months later, amazing things have happened to me. Not only did I find an amazing new career, but I found one with a company that respects families and encourages its employees to be active parents via extremely flexible work schedules. For this, I am grateful. 

You  might be wondering why I am telling you about this stuff that really doesn’t fit into the greater parenting theme of this blog. The reality is, without this blog, I never would have gotten the job. When I started writing this blog 2+ years ago, the shoot-for-the-moon goal I had in mind was to parlay it into writing for television. A friend encouraged me to start a blog as a way to keep practicing my craft while building a portfolio. So I did, and subsequently discovered this incredibly supportive community which I’ve developed through Social Media. My blog’s Social pages are not the biggest, nor will they ever be, but they are strong enough that they have led to amazing friendships and opportunities, like attending the Dad 2.0 Conferences. And they led to a Management position for an established Social Media company that works with some of the largest corporations in the world, who I am already working with after just a few weeks.

To quote the great poet Robert Hunter “Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right.”

It’s true, C.C., amazing things can happen.

I’m living proof.  

I highly recommend that you grab a copy of C.C.'s book. 

You can find "Amazing Things Will Happen" here on Amazon. 

And if you don't already know the Dudes mentioned above, click the links on their names and check out their great blogs. Trust me. 

Not My Final Blog Post

In my recent blog post titled My Final Blog Post, I talked about some issues I've grappled with lately and how that frustration has impacted not only my psyche, but also my blogging. I also talked about my desire to spend more time with my kids than blogging about them and truly thought that my 195th post might be my swan song. 

In that post, I shared some more-revealing-than-usual thoughts with my audiences throughout the social media world and was blown away by the response. I received nothing but support and encouragement from a much larger than expected number of people. Some are bloggers who I know in real life and have gone through similar scenarios. Some are people I only know in cyberspace who took the time to encourage me to keep doing what I'm doing as long as I feel my priorities are in order. 

I received several notes on my Facebook timeline and on Google+, which I was convinced no one ever looks at, but also private emails from people who'd said that I'd helped them through their own parenting struggles via my posts. That I'd made them laugh and cry when I've done both of those things, too. That my stories about parenting encouraged them to take a closer look at their own relationships and how they get along with their families. I was stunned. 

All this time, I thought I was doing something wrong, but the reality is the exact opposite of that. I was doing things right, but looking at them the wrong way. This blog is simply a tool, a conduit for me to express my thoughts, feelings, dreams and aspirations. It's a place that the Little & Littler Dudes can look back upon one day many years from now on their Google Eyeballs or iHelmets and see how their lives were in times that they certainly won't remember. 

It's taken me almost two years to figure out what this blog is "about". I've been asked that question countless times, and have always answered something like "it's about me raising my Junior Dudes and our wacky adventures...". And that is partially accurate. But I've recently discovered the real answer, which is that it's about my journey down the long road to happiness. Life isn't easy and raising a family isn't either. Throw in some career transitions like I’ve had and you've got a recipe for Life Jambalaya.  Over the last two years I've been hyper-focused on page views, LIKEs, Tweets and all kinds of things that don't really matter as much as me just having a place to be me and talk about my favorite people in the world. 

If you want to join me on my journey, I'd love to have you along for the ride. It will likely be very turbulent, but I will try my best to make it fun, too. Hold on to your hat, I have a feeling it’s going to be a long strange trip.  

Me and my inspiration,
aka the Junior Dudes

My Final Blog Post?

When I started this blog nearly two years ago, I was doing it to scratch an itch to write that captivated me during college and inspired my move to Los Angeles 12 years earlier. I really didn’t think anyone would ever read anything I wrote. Even the lovely Mrs. Dude rarely even reads my posts unless I specifically point one out to her. It’s not that she’s not interested, it’s because she’s busy. And so am I, which is both the reason I haven’t blogged much lately and also why I’m not sure if I will continue to do so for very much longer.

My first blog post was written when the Little Dude was 19 months old and still napped in 3 hour blocks every afternoon. He continued that pattern throughout my first year of blogging, which always gave me plenty of time to write about the hi-lar-ious things toddlers do. But last summer everything changed. First, we moved him from a crib to a big-boy bed. And second, his brother, the Littler Dude, was born.

At face value, I assumed that neither of those events would have much impact on my schedule but I couldn’t have been more wrong. When no longer bound to the spatial limitations and high walls of his beloved baby cage, the Little Dude deemed that naps were no longer necessary, much to the chagrin of his mother and me. But there was nothing we could do. We tried forcing the issue, but if he fell asleep it was for a very short time and we usually had to spend a longer period just trying to get him to go to sleep than the duration of the actual sleep. So we cut out naps and instituted an afternoon chill period, which usually consisted of watching Toy Story or Toy Story 2. Every freakin’ day. And as someone who is easily distracted, I have a hard time focusing with a lot of external noise nearby, even if it’s just Buzz and Woody, so I started writing at night after he went to bed. That time block was subsequently eradicated a month later when the Littler Dude arrived. Goodbye, blog.

In a Facebook post shortly before baby #2 arrived, I asked my page what to do to prepare for our new arrival. Beyond countless people urging me to sleep, sleep and sleep, a blogger friend named The Robot Mommy suggested I stockpile blog posts for when I had no time to write. I shrugged that off, telling myself that #2 was bound to be the good sleeper his brother was, so I’d have plenty of free time.  And the Littler Dude is a decent napper, but there is only one problem: his brother is still awake during those nap periods. And with energetic 3 ½ year old toddlers there is minimal downtime. I’m just thankful for the Pixar DVD catalog for some small respites it has brought me and Mrs. Dude over the last seven months.

So my struggle to find free time has definitely hindered my creative productivity. And I hate that. But I’ve been thinking a lot about a “chicken or egg” conundrum that has furthered my inactivity around these parts. The big question is: should I spend more time away from my kids to focus on my blog about parenting, or should I spend that time actually parenting my kids so that I have something to blog about even though I’ll subsequently have no time to write it?

I started this blog at a major crossroads in my life. My mother had recently passed away. I was just starting a promising job opportunity. I had started writing again after an extended break and inspiration grabbed me like a whirlwind and wouldn’t let go. Oh, and I had a spirited pre-toddler on my hands. Seemed like a Royal Flush, but now two years later I have a Full House and don’t know what to do.

That job didn’t turn out how I thought it would and now I have begun searching for a new opportunity. My blog has seen its share of ups and downs. I’ve had several exciting blogging opportunities come around, but haven’t hit the big time yet, not that I ever expected to. But I am responsible for 3 mouths to feed, beyond my own which is the lowest priority, and now must begin anew. Again. I have started putting out feelers again, but haven’t yet found that great job that will send me to Hawaii on a monthly basis to write about the quality of massages at luxury hotels. So now I have a greater conundrum on my hands. Do I spend my time focusing on raising my family and blogging about it or finding a better way to support this family, so that we can move onward and upward and finally begin living the life we’ve always wanted. Mrs. Dude and I have got the two great kids and our health and those are two remarkably lucky things. It’s just everything else that we now find ourselves searching for. Will I find it on my computer screen after another endless web search? Or might it be lurking in the satisfaction of helping the Little Dude learn to read?

In an ironic coincidence, as I was typing that last sentence and trying to think of a way to wrap this up, the Little Dude just arrived home from the park and excitedly ran in to see me, so my writing time is over for today. But one look at his smiling face makes it all worthwhile and reminds me why I do the things I do. All of them. I’ll be back soon to tell you more. . .

What would you do if put in my position? 

Know anyone looking for an experienced witty, handsome & creative person 
to join your awesome company's team?  Email me HERE

Flip the Calendar

2012 has been quite a ride, though I am very ready for it to end and the journey of lucky 2013 to begin. This has been a notable year around the Dude’s House for many reasons:

·         The blog completed its’ first full calendar year: Now that I’m just about 1 ½ years into this blogging fun, I’m finally starting to get the hang of it. I went to my first blogging conference where I saw old friends and made some new ones. I learned things that helped me improve as a blogger (or at least I think so).  I went from posting once every 7 to 10 days to 3 or 4 times a week. The last few months have put a hitch in all that, but I’m planning on ramping back up in the new year. Unless I win the lottery. Actually, I’d probably blog more if I won the lottery thanks to all the free time I’d suddenly have. So if you want to see more of me next year, cut me in on your next Powerball win.

·         The Littler Dude was born: In late September we were joined by another happy smiley little guy. It’s been a major adjustment for all of us, but now 3 months later, we are finally getting into a good rhythm. (Or as much as is possible while running on 4-5 hours sleep per night.) Let’s hope his schedule evens out when he moves into a crib early next year. Otherwise I may ask to come crash on your couch.

Me & the Littler Dude, 5 minutes old

·         The Little Dude started preschool: We didn’t know what to expect with a major transition not even 3 weeks before his brother was born, but our now-3-year-old handled everything like a champ. Not that I ever doubted him, with his debonair good looks and winning laugh. It hasn’t been entirely smooth, though.

·          I was published on the Huffington Post! No autographs, please. Seriously though, it was quite an honor and I’ve been on there a few times. Very cool. Still haven’t met Arianna yet.

·         I went camping. If you know me in real life, you understand how preposterous that sounds. It wasn’t bad, though I might have felt differently if our HD TV hadn’t been working.

·         I lost the only grandparent I ever really knew. Hard stuff. I know people often say “death is a part of life”, but I’ve learned the hard way that it’s the really crappy part.  

·         I created and celebrated the inaugural Dudes’ Day. It was epic. Looking forward to many more to come. IHOP, watch out.

·         I wrote my most personal post early in the year. As I mentioned, death sucks. But sometimes good things come out of it, like this blog.

It’s been an eventful year with life and death. Good music and birthday parties. And pancakes. Lots of pancakes. And I appreciate you joining me for the ride. If there is anything you want to see more of next year (or less), please let me know. I love hearing from you all. You are what makes this page keep running. Well, you and my two boys and wife. And laptop. Let’s just say it’s a joint effort, but I’m glad you’re here. See you in 2013!

Your Pal, 

The Dude

The Little Dude's Birthday (at IHOP, naturally)

New Years Eve 2012:
Little Dude (3 years) & Littler Dude (3 months)

Blog-ternity Leave

Flying blind can take you interesting places. It can also lead to complete disaster. In preparation for the arrival of our second son, I tried to plan out my blog schedule so I'd have enough ready to publish during the weeks after the birth. Then life with a toddler happened, my plans fell apart and I wasn't prepared. And somehow among the 20 hours or so I've been awake each day over the last couple of weeks, very little has been at the computer. And I’m glad.

I appreciate each person who reads this blog. Truly every single one of you. Even more if you leave a comment or tell a friend. And I wanted to share the experience with you in real time. No, not as I was watching Mrs. Dude get sliced open, but close enough.

Two weeks ago, when the baby was born, I was beyond excited and still am over the moon. I had so many stories bouncing around my skull to share with you. But my family needed me. Mrs. Dude, the Little Dude and the Littler Dude* came first, as they should. Between schlepping back and forth to the hospital, preschool, doctor visits and more I haven’t had time to write. And I felt like a part of me was missing. 

The blogging community, of which you are all a part, has been so kind to me for the last 15 months, but I needed some Blog-ternity leave. I took two weeks, which is longer than I took from my real job, but now I’m back.  I’d say I’m reenergized, but let’s face it, I have a 2 week old kid. I have basically no energy at all.

You may be wondering if things will be the same as before, with me publishing new posts 3 or 4 times per week? Stay tuned. Is there anything you want to see more or less of on this blog? Be honest, I can take it.

I’m still flying blind, but it is even sweeter with another passenger along for the ride. As a wise man once said “I sure don’t know what I’m going for, but I’m gonna go for it for sure.”

Your Pal,

The Dude

With my new pal

*Still trying to decide on a name for him. Do you like “Littler Dude”? What about “Mini Dude”? Any other ideas?? Leave a comment below.