Not My Final Blog Post

In my recent blog post titled My Final Blog Post, I talked about some issues I've grappled with lately and how that frustration has impacted not only my psyche, but also my blogging. I also talked about my desire to spend more time with my kids than blogging about them and truly thought that my 195th post might be my swan song. 

In that post, I shared some more-revealing-than-usual thoughts with my audiences throughout the social media world and was blown away by the response. I received nothing but support and encouragement from a much larger than expected number of people. Some are bloggers who I know in real life and have gone through similar scenarios. Some are people I only know in cyberspace who took the time to encourage me to keep doing what I'm doing as long as I feel my priorities are in order. 

I received several notes on my Facebook timeline and on Google+, which I was convinced no one ever looks at, but also private emails from people who'd said that I'd helped them through their own parenting struggles via my posts. That I'd made them laugh and cry when I've done both of those things, too. That my stories about parenting encouraged them to take a closer look at their own relationships and how they get along with their families. I was stunned. 

All this time, I thought I was doing something wrong, but the reality is the exact opposite of that. I was doing things right, but looking at them the wrong way. This blog is simply a tool, a conduit for me to express my thoughts, feelings, dreams and aspirations. It's a place that the Little & Littler Dudes can look back upon one day many years from now on their Google Eyeballs or iHelmets and see how their lives were in times that they certainly won't remember. 

It's taken me almost two years to figure out what this blog is "about". I've been asked that question countless times, and have always answered something like "it's about me raising my Junior Dudes and our wacky adventures...". And that is partially accurate. But I've recently discovered the real answer, which is that it's about my journey down the long road to happiness. Life isn't easy and raising a family isn't either. Throw in some career transitions like I’ve had and you've got a recipe for Life Jambalaya.  Over the last two years I've been hyper-focused on page views, LIKEs, Tweets and all kinds of things that don't really matter as much as me just having a place to be me and talk about my favorite people in the world. 

If you want to join me on my journey, I'd love to have you along for the ride. It will likely be very turbulent, but I will try my best to make it fun, too. Hold on to your hat, I have a feeling it’s going to be a long strange trip.  

Me and my inspiration,
aka the Junior Dudes

My Final Blog Post?

When I started this blog nearly two years ago, I was doing it to scratch an itch to write that captivated me during college and inspired my move to Los Angeles 12 years earlier. I really didn’t think anyone would ever read anything I wrote. Even the lovely Mrs. Dude rarely even reads my posts unless I specifically point one out to her. It’s not that she’s not interested, it’s because she’s busy. And so am I, which is both the reason I haven’t blogged much lately and also why I’m not sure if I will continue to do so for very much longer.

My first blog post was written when the Little Dude was 19 months old and still napped in 3 hour blocks every afternoon. He continued that pattern throughout my first year of blogging, which always gave me plenty of time to write about the hi-lar-ious things toddlers do. But last summer everything changed. First, we moved him from a crib to a big-boy bed. And second, his brother, the Littler Dude, was born.

At face value, I assumed that neither of those events would have much impact on my schedule but I couldn’t have been more wrong. When no longer bound to the spatial limitations and high walls of his beloved baby cage, the Little Dude deemed that naps were no longer necessary, much to the chagrin of his mother and me. But there was nothing we could do. We tried forcing the issue, but if he fell asleep it was for a very short time and we usually had to spend a longer period just trying to get him to go to sleep than the duration of the actual sleep. So we cut out naps and instituted an afternoon chill period, which usually consisted of watching Toy Story or Toy Story 2. Every freakin’ day. And as someone who is easily distracted, I have a hard time focusing with a lot of external noise nearby, even if it’s just Buzz and Woody, so I started writing at night after he went to bed. That time block was subsequently eradicated a month later when the Littler Dude arrived. Goodbye, blog.

In a Facebook post shortly before baby #2 arrived, I asked my page what to do to prepare for our new arrival. Beyond countless people urging me to sleep, sleep and sleep, a blogger friend named The Robot Mommy suggested I stockpile blog posts for when I had no time to write. I shrugged that off, telling myself that #2 was bound to be the good sleeper his brother was, so I’d have plenty of free time.  And the Littler Dude is a decent napper, but there is only one problem: his brother is still awake during those nap periods. And with energetic 3 ½ year old toddlers there is minimal downtime. I’m just thankful for the Pixar DVD catalog for some small respites it has brought me and Mrs. Dude over the last seven months.

So my struggle to find free time has definitely hindered my creative productivity. And I hate that. But I’ve been thinking a lot about a “chicken or egg” conundrum that has furthered my inactivity around these parts. The big question is: should I spend more time away from my kids to focus on my blog about parenting, or should I spend that time actually parenting my kids so that I have something to blog about even though I’ll subsequently have no time to write it?

I started this blog at a major crossroads in my life. My mother had recently passed away. I was just starting a promising job opportunity. I had started writing again after an extended break and inspiration grabbed me like a whirlwind and wouldn’t let go. Oh, and I had a spirited pre-toddler on my hands. Seemed like a Royal Flush, but now two years later I have a Full House and don’t know what to do.

That job didn’t turn out how I thought it would and now I have begun searching for a new opportunity. My blog has seen its share of ups and downs. I’ve had several exciting blogging opportunities come around, but haven’t hit the big time yet, not that I ever expected to. But I am responsible for 3 mouths to feed, beyond my own which is the lowest priority, and now must begin anew. Again. I have started putting out feelers again, but haven’t yet found that great job that will send me to Hawaii on a monthly basis to write about the quality of massages at luxury hotels. So now I have a greater conundrum on my hands. Do I spend my time focusing on raising my family and blogging about it or finding a better way to support this family, so that we can move onward and upward and finally begin living the life we’ve always wanted. Mrs. Dude and I have got the two great kids and our health and those are two remarkably lucky things. It’s just everything else that we now find ourselves searching for. Will I find it on my computer screen after another endless web search? Or might it be lurking in the satisfaction of helping the Little Dude learn to read?

In an ironic coincidence, as I was typing that last sentence and trying to think of a way to wrap this up, the Little Dude just arrived home from the park and excitedly ran in to see me, so my writing time is over for today. But one look at his smiling face makes it all worthwhile and reminds me why I do the things I do. All of them. I’ll be back soon to tell you more. . .

What would you do if put in my position? 

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Random 10 for July 1

As a writer, the hardest part of the gig is coming up with brilliant topics to write about. Sometimes inspiration punches you in the face and you can’t type fast enough. And sometimes you pull an all-nighter to finish something dumpster-worthy.

One fun way of writing is taking prompts, of which the blogosphere possesses no shortage, and seeing what you come up with versus a slew of other clever scribes. The great majority are just not my style. But the wonderful Stasha from The good life is always a lock for intelligent and thought-provoking topics as part of her “Monday Listicles” series.

When I saw this week’s prompt, I knew had to participate.  It’s a list of 10 totally random questions. With my mind approaching mush lately, and with at least a half-dozen blog posts started-but-not-nearly-finished, this was right up my alley. So without further ado:

1)      Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, and find line 4. What is it?

Given that I have a 6 month pregnant wife, it’s not super surprising that the nearest book to me is a baby name book. Truth be told, the SIX closest books to me are baby name books. The one on top is beyond ava & aiden: the enlightened guide to naming your baby. What’s written on the instructed page is not going to help me at all, though: “Clementine” & “Julia”.  I’m semi-enlightened and all, but since we are having a boy, those names are not even close to my radar.  

2)      How many times a day do you say “Hi”?

I have a 2 ½ year old son, so without counting, I’d have to guess several hundred.

3)      Have you ever worn a uniform?

Does Little League count?

4)      What do you think about the most?

As I mentioned, I have a spirited toddler and will have another kid in 3 months. They occupy an increasingly high percentage of my cranium. How I will take care of them. How I will parent them. How I will teach them. Knowing that my actions and behavior will have a lasting long-term effect on them, I try to be very conscientious. Or as much as I can be without being completely OCD.

5)      How many keys are on your keyring?

Two: car & work. I don’t even have a house key. Weird, right?

 

6)      What was the last thing you bought?

On the way home last night, I bought a supermarket chicken to bring home for dinner. Full disclosure: it was fried.  

Fuller disclosure: I bought a box of Honeycomb, too.  

7)      Are you growing anything these days?

Older: Hopefully wiser.

Wider: Unfortunately.

Kids: And sanguinely more patient with them.

8)      What is under your bed?

A slew of shoes, in no orderly fashion. Not necessarily in contemporary fashion, either.  

And enough dustballs to make a Dyson weep.

9)      What is most important in life?

See #4 above.

10)   What is the strangest word you used this week?

Listicle

Hey, I'd love to hear your answers to any or all of the above questions. 

Leave it in the comments below.