5 Things I Learned about Parenting from Star Wars

Spoiler Alert: There are key Star Wars plot points inside this piece. I shouldn’t need to warn anyone, as the original movies were all released 30+ years ago, so if you haven’t seen them and are shocked by any revelations here, that’s on you.

During both of Mrs. Dude’s pregnancies I received suggestions of must-read pregnancy and parenting books from more than a few people I knew and myriad more that I didn’t. I did explore a couple, partially to pacify those who had shared their recommendations and also, more frequently, to help me fall asleep on those I-can’t-freakin’-do-this pre-delivery sleepless nights.

But there is another source of parenting tips I’ve reflected upon countless times over the last 5+ years since the Little Dude was born. And now, with Father’s Day once again upon us, I want to share with you some of the great parenting dos and don’ts I learned from one of the most infamous movie fathers of all time, Darth Vader.

1) Be present for, and with, your children: As Vader was pretty much a deadbeat dad, albeit for very atypical reasons, his son was lucky to have his old man’s former mentor (aka Obi-Wan Kenobi) looking out for him during his most impressionable period. Sure, being raised on a farm in Tatooine by his father’s stepbrother Owen was probably not nearly as exciting as a childhood spent roaming the Death Star, but Luke received a good education (also from Mr. Kenobi), had a large outdoor area for playtime and ultimately proved to be a high moral character Jedi…despite his father’s best/worst/completely nonexistent efforts.

2) Don’t give your kids trendy names: Luke & Leia were excellent choices given their time and place in history. Context and family history are important, but when selecting names for your children, consider that they are the ones who will have to live with them for the rest of their lives, and it’s got to be difficult to be taken seriously in a professional workplace with a first name like Boba, Qui-Gon or Jar Jar.

3) Support & encourage your children’s interests: Luke was a skilled farmer thanks to his uncle’s tutelage, but he always yearned for something more than a normal (i.e. boring) desert life.  If not for Obi-Wan and Yoda, both of whom were contemporaries of Luke’s father, Luke might not have achieved his true destiny as a Jedi Knight. As it turned out, Luke was probably subconsciously hoping to earn his father’s respect, or at least attention, when he trained to become a skilled Lightsaber user. I doubt either of them anticipated how that one was going to turn out.

If only Vader had used his Lightsaber for dental hygiene instead of evil.

4) Use Your Words: In both The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, father and son Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader were brought together via one-on-one physical combat. They shared a common dearth of quality time together, so it might have behooved them and their nonexistent relationship to air their grievances (i.e. Luke about his abandonment and Vader over his son’s refusal to join the family business and join him over on the Dark Side). When children are not mature enough to fully express themselves as they wish, they often resort to hitting, hair pulling or other physical actions and reactions as a method of communicating a message or getting the response and/or attention they truly crave. “Use Your Words” is teaching them that verbal communication is a more effective method for earning a desired outcome. Had Vader been a stronger communicator with better grasp of his emotions, he might have been able to convince his son to join him in the family business. Does it matter that said business was less than legit? Not really, after all, family is family.

5) Don’t Be a Jerk: Vader sliced his son’s hand off with a Lightsaber AND THEN finally revealed that he was Luke’s father. It’s well known that children learn both positive and negative behaviors from observing their parents’ habits and actions. Vader shouldn’t have been surprised when after forcefully removing Luke’s limb in the heat of battle, that Luke returned a year later and did the same exact thing to him. Darth should have considered the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you, which Luke obviously took quite literally.

All of the above being said, the Star Wars saga is about family, relationships and dealing with others you may not see eye to eye with. There will always be issues up for debate (maybe Luke should have listened to his father and joined the Dark Side, with the goal of turning everyone good again?) but maintaining open lines of communication can help clear murky things up. I haven’t shown the Star Wars films to my son yet, but I think he may soon be due. After all, I know I can hardly wait for Part VII, aka The Force Awakens, which will be released later this year, on December 18!. Maybe we’ll find out if Luke settled down and had a family of his own. I’m hoping he taught his own son a lesson or two, unlike his father ever did for him.

Happy Father’s Day and May the Force be with you.

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Disclaimer: I wrote this post as part of my participation in the Fandango Family Digital Network. I was compensated accordingly, but all content and opinions contained within are mine entirely, for better or worse. Come hang with the FF team on Facebook, too. 

Want to take that special person in your life to see some movies, care of Fandango? Enter below for your chance to win a $100 Fandango Gift Card that you can use to take the fam to see something great this summer! You have up to 5 chances to enter and the entries will close Sunday, June 21, 2015 at 12:00am PST (midnight Saturday night/Sunday morning). 

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A Mothers Day Correlation

In case you missed it, Mothers’ Day was Sunday and I have a little different perspective on it than I did last year.  In my post last year, I mentioned my mother and wife, but failed to mention one more important mother in my life, my grandmother (my mother’s mother). She had a tremendous influence on me growing up, and was the only grandparent I ever really knew. Sadly she passed away just 3 days after Mother’s Day last year and is certainly missed this year.

I still miss my mother, and that will likely never change, but now her spirit is back with us in a different way. It’s a Jewish custom to name a newborn after a deceased family member, which is supposed to cause some sort of metaphysical connection between two people whose lives never crossed. I know that sounds like something from an episode of LOST, but trust me, it’s a thing.  

When the Littler Dude was born last fall, he received the same initials that my mother had and they will now be forever linked.  And so far, after 7 months, he is showing signs of sharing some similar traits with his namesake. Here are a few:

·        Lack of sleep: My mother was never a very sound sleeper. Neither is the Littler Dude. That was rough for her and now continues for us. 

·         Love of family: My mother’s favorite thing in the world was being around her family, especially her kids and grandkids, even if they were getting rowdy. The Littler Dude loves being held and often doesn’t like when Mrs. Dude or I put him down for a break. Even if he is immediately smushed like a pancake by his older brother, the Little Dude.

·         Laughter: My mother was a big sitcom fan, as am I, and would frequently watch late-night reruns of classic shows she’d loved the first 20 times she’d seen them. The Littler Dude cackles hysterically when his big brother sings and dances for him, even if it’s the same made-up-on-the-spot song and dance for the 50^th time that day.

·         Appetite: My mother always made unique food combos for herself, like cold chicken for breakfast (one of her faves). The Littler Dude has yet to taste a food he doesn’t like, including Gerber puree classics like Chicken & Apples or Sweet Potatoes, Apples and Raisins (bleh).

·         Toughness: My mother faced health issues almost since birth and battled cancer with ever fiber of her being. The Littler Dude gets repeatedly squashed, rolled and folded in half by his older brother. Neither one of them complains about the adversity they’ve faced.

We have a long way to go, but so far the Littler Dude is living up to his namesake’s legacy. And with another Mother’s Day now passed, I am thankful to be able to spend it with the amazing mother of my children. Her patience with all three Dudes (both big and small) that she lives with is inexplicable, unrivaled and beyond appreciated.  Happy Mothers’ Day, Mrs. Dude!

Happy Mothers Day from the Dude family to you and yours!!

Help Name My Baby!

The time has come. After 39.5 long weeks, Mrs. Dude is ready to deliver the well-cooked addition to our family. She and I are beyond thrilled and the Little Dude is finally getting used to the idea of having another kid in the house so we'll see how he adjusts to a roommate.

When I started this blog last year, it was easy to categorize each of my family members: Me (Big Dude), my wife (Mrs. Dude) and my son (Little Dude). But now that we have another Dude joining the squad I need to think of a way to talk about him.

I've thought of several options (like Baby Dude or Littler Dude) but wanted to put it out there and see what you all think. Any and all suggestions are appreciated. Please leave a comment below with your ideas and let's name this kid!  You can help dictate the future direction of this blog. Or at least help remove this task from my plate in anticipation of my looming sleep deprivation.

Does this picture of him give you any inspiration?

Yes, She's Pregnant

Now that Mrs. Dude is two-thirds of the way through her second pregnancy, I’ve become much more cognizant of people’s behavior toward her this time than during her first pregnancy. And when I say “people”, I mean rude strangers we randomly encounter that we’ll never see again.

Last weekend was our 5th wedding anniversary. We celebrated with a rare night out for just the two of us, as we left the Little Dude with a saintly friend for a few hours of peace and quiet  adult time. I made a conscious choice for us to go to a grown-up restaurant (i.e. no menus with pictures & no crayons anywhere on the premises), hoping that we could enjoy a low key dinner with no interruptions. I should have picked another restaurant.

Don’t get me wrong, the food was great. But I could tell early on that the waiter was going to make this a long night. When he noticed that Mrs. Dude was pregnant he asked the obligatory “When are you due?”. That’s a polite question and she answered it accordingly. To me, that should have been the end of the conversation on the subject. But then he kept asking more increasingly personal questions, and at one point even shared an anecdote about his father’s reaction when he himself was pulled from his mother’s womb. Not wanting my ribeye to be covered in a shallot and saliva sauce, we played along. Begrudgingly. 

After playing Wingman during 1.67 pregnancies, I’ve determined that there’s a hierarchy of inappropriate questions that strangers feel are appropriate to ask a pregnant woman. I don’t know why they feel the inquisition is necessary, since beyond the 90 seconds we are behind them in line at Trader Joes, I wouldn’t recognize them again if I was locked in a Smart Car with them.  So in order from least to most offensive, here are my:

Top 6 Inappropriate Questions Strangers Ask Pregnant Women

1)      When are you due?  It’s a fair question and its answer should be the end of the discussion. If I tell you October 64^th and you tell me that is your great-grandmother’s birthday, am I supposed to care?  How would you like me to respond, “Great, we should have a joint birthday party!”?   

2)      Do you know what you are having?  Many years ago, I heard a pregnant woman answer this question with “yes, a baby”. At the time, I thought that was obnoxious and still kind of do, but so is the questioning that pregnant women incessantly receive. Boy or girl, if I don’t know you, what’s the difference? We didn’t find out the gender in advance when Mrs. Dude was pregnant with the Little Dude. If we made a decision not to find out from the doctor, why do you think I want your opinion, Gas Station Attendant?

3)      Do you have a name picked out?  We always answer “no” to this question because in all honesty we don’t. Some people like to Tweet that they are having a baby named Jemima Alkaline Smith while still holding the wet pregnancy test in their hand. That’s not our style. The problem with this question is that strangers, who know nothing about me, start offering suggestions: “Oh, well Banana is nice!” or “What about Pepcid?”. Guess what, if you don’t know my name, do you really think I’m going to let you name my kid? Maybe if you pulled me out of a burning building you’d earn some say in the matter, but I’d probably at least ask your name then.

4)      Can I touch your belly?  Yours isn’t that much smaller, go rub that instead.  

5)      Are you having twins?  If you ask a woman this question and she isn’t wearing a shirt that says “Future Mother of Twins”, expect something heavy to be thrown at your head. Personally, I would never ask a stranger if she was even pregnant unless her water broke on my foot while she was standing next to me at the hospital.  But some people feel entitled to more or less call a random pregnant woman extra-fat. Thanks a lot, stranger, that’s going to work out well for the hormonally stressed among us.

6)      Are you having a Natural Delivery?  Again, people don’t think about how personal of a question this really is. Do you really need to know if my wife is planning on squeezing 8 pounds of flesh through her private parts? Better question: did you ever wonder why they are called “private parts”? Spoiler alert: it’s because those organs are not a subject most sane people ask random strangers about.

If you are someone I care about, you probably know the answers to many of these questions, but if not, I have no problem with you asking the first three. If you are a waiter named Beelzebub and are endlessly trying to sell us on the merits of giving our unborn your ridiculous name, please do me a favor. Please get me my iced tea already, and mind your own business. 

What inappropriate questions were you asked during pregnancy? 

Random 10 for July 1

As a writer, the hardest part of the gig is coming up with brilliant topics to write about. Sometimes inspiration punches you in the face and you can’t type fast enough. And sometimes you pull an all-nighter to finish something dumpster-worthy.

One fun way of writing is taking prompts, of which the blogosphere possesses no shortage, and seeing what you come up with versus a slew of other clever scribes. The great majority are just not my style. But the wonderful Stasha from The good life is always a lock for intelligent and thought-provoking topics as part of her “Monday Listicles” series.

When I saw this week’s prompt, I knew had to participate.  It’s a list of 10 totally random questions. With my mind approaching mush lately, and with at least a half-dozen blog posts started-but-not-nearly-finished, this was right up my alley. So without further ado:

1)      Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, and find line 4. What is it?

Given that I have a 6 month pregnant wife, it’s not super surprising that the nearest book to me is a baby name book. Truth be told, the SIX closest books to me are baby name books. The one on top is beyond ava & aiden: the enlightened guide to naming your baby. What’s written on the instructed page is not going to help me at all, though: “Clementine” & “Julia”.  I’m semi-enlightened and all, but since we are having a boy, those names are not even close to my radar.  

2)      How many times a day do you say “Hi”?

I have a 2 ½ year old son, so without counting, I’d have to guess several hundred.

3)      Have you ever worn a uniform?

Does Little League count?

4)      What do you think about the most?

As I mentioned, I have a spirited toddler and will have another kid in 3 months. They occupy an increasingly high percentage of my cranium. How I will take care of them. How I will parent them. How I will teach them. Knowing that my actions and behavior will have a lasting long-term effect on them, I try to be very conscientious. Or as much as I can be without being completely OCD.

5)      How many keys are on your keyring?

Two: car & work. I don’t even have a house key. Weird, right?

 

6)      What was the last thing you bought?

On the way home last night, I bought a supermarket chicken to bring home for dinner. Full disclosure: it was fried.  

Fuller disclosure: I bought a box of Honeycomb, too.  

7)      Are you growing anything these days?

Older: Hopefully wiser.

Wider: Unfortunately.

Kids: And sanguinely more patient with them.

8)      What is under your bed?

A slew of shoes, in no orderly fashion. Not necessarily in contemporary fashion, either.  

And enough dustballs to make a Dyson weep.

9)      What is most important in life?

See #4 above.

10)   What is the strangest word you used this week?

Listicle

Hey, I'd love to hear your answers to any or all of the above questions. 

Leave it in the comments below.

New Year & Six Months

As the beginning of the last year of civilization begins (at least according to the Mayans. And my friend Maya), I guess we have a lot to get through in these next 11+ months. I still haven't even seen Moneyball.

2011 was a very up and down year for me personally, but I guess that's how they all go for most people who aren't George Clooney. As the calendar turns, though, I'd be remiss if I didn't reflect on the last 6 months writing this blog.  What started as a suggestion from my friend Karen has turned into something way beyond anything I ever imagined when I sat down at the computer on July 4th while my son napped. 

I had some random ideas bouncing around the right side of my brain, which I hadn't used much in the last few years. I am thankful for each and every one of you who has taken the time to read my posts, comment on them or share them with friends. I appreciate the emails you send me and Tweets you RT.  Without you, this site would just be me talking to myself. And I already do enough of that as it is. So thank you. 

As many people do this time of year, I've been reflecting on the year that passed. As I've been reviewing Dude of the House, I wanted to spotlight a few of my favorite blog moments from the last 6 months. If you've read these before, check them out again. They get better with age, like a fine wine or Betty White. 

My Favorite Post:    Poo On You  I just think it's pretty funny. Several of you have said the same. 

Most Autobiographical Post:  What a Long Strange Trip It's Been How I got to be where I am today. Wherever that is.

Most Popular Post:  From Deadhead to Elmo Addict Growing up is hard to do. 

Most Commented On Post:   Your Name is What??  People are dumb. 

Most Egoecentric Post: My Mini-me It's true, he looks like me. Check the picture. 

Most Educational Post:  What is a Dude?  If you think you know, you probably don't.

Most Serious Post:  9/11: A New Hope  A shiny silver lining. 

Scariest Post:  Lost at the Zoo  It was a freaky experience and it wasn't even my kid. 

First Post: Independence Day Means I'm Free to Work on This First, but certainly not my best.

Most Disney filled Post: Small World? Yeah Right I'm glad the tickets were free.

I love all of my posts. Even a few lame ones I've ignored since posting. But check them out and leave a comment if you feel like it. And click the ads on the right. Google just might send me a nickel if you do and that will really help pay for pre-school. When the Little Dude turns 34. 


Thank you again for your support. Best wishes for a happy and healthy new year!

Me & the Little Dude

Your name is what??

When I heard  the recent announcement that David and Victoria Beckham named their newborn daughter ”Harper Seven Beckham”, I asked myself that timeless question: What is wrong with people today? 

Harper Seven shouldn’t come as a complete shock.  After all, the Beckhams stretched the limites of the bizarre-meter years ago when they named named their three sons Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz.  Obviously things have changed since the days of Fred MacMurray and the 1960s TV show “My Three Sons”, whose names were Mike, Robbie and Richie Douglas. The most extreme name on that show came from the adopted fourth son Ernie, who was known as Chip. 

According to the Social Security Administration, in 2010 “Harper” was the 119^th most popular name given to a baby girl in the US.  In 2004, it was the 887^th most popular.  With the Beckhams bestowing it upon their daughter, it is sure to rise quickly in the rankings this year and next, for better or worse. 

When my wife was pregnant, we went through countless name books trying to pick something appropriate for someone who we didn’t know.  We didn't know the baby’s gender until delivery, so we had twice the prep work.  We didn’t want him or her to be the 6^th kid in their kindergarten class with the same name, forced to a lifetime of being referred to by their first name and last initial (i.e. Isabella G.).

Giving a child a name is a personal choice. Some people use it as an opportunity to honor a family member. Some people want to be creative and differentiate their kid from everyone else, like the Beckhams., But it seems many more people just follow the trends, which you could say is how life in general is, right?  If it weren’t the Kardashians wouldn't be famous & American Idol wouldn't be the top rated show on TV.  

Given the proliferation of people I know who've had babies in the last decade, here are a few distinctive baby name trends that I've noticed:

Oxymoron Names: 

I know several people who’ve decided that they are going to buck the norm and give their kids names that are oxymorons like “Ryder Schwartz” (how many Schwartzes do you know who are big riders?) or ironic like “Brooklyn Yang” (I think I ate there once while visiting NYC).   

Law Firm Names: 

I am always amused by people who give their kids names that sounds like the titles of  Law Firm Names (i.e. generally three last names): Lincoln Hudson Miller or Parker Logan Johnson. It'll be interesting to see what happens when Bailey Dylan Silver gets a job someday at Johnson, Shmeckel and Goldfarb. 

Verb Names: 

Harper comes from what I like to call the verb family of names, which all describe people performing activities.  Since names are usually nouns this might upset some English teachers. You’re probably familiar with active names like Hunter, Cooper, Ryder, etc.  There's nothing wrong with those names, but they may present interesting conundrums later in life. Like when Hunter becomes a vegetarian or when Archer loses a thumb in a tragic bow and arrow accident.   

On a side note, Harper is one of those names that I find curious.  It might have been inspired by Harper Lee, who wrote “To Kill a Mockingbird”.  Of course it’s strange to think that an 85 year old lady who hasn’t written a book in over 50 years could inspire that many people.  Double side note: Harper Lee’s real first name isn't even Harper. It's Nelle.  

Old Jewish Man Names:

Another interesting trend is what I think of as the “Old Jewish Man” family of names.  It’s when people use names which haven’t been given to a newborn since before World War II (or WWI, in some cases).  Names like Murray, Helen, Ida and Arnold fell out of circulation for a reason. OK, I understand new parents wanting to 
honor a parent, grandparent or ancestor by utilizing those names.  But they need to be prepared for the day that little Hazel is upset at her name being made fun of by any (or all) of the nine Sophias or Emmas in her 3^rd grade class.  

Parents have no choice over their child’s eye color, skin tone or foot size. Sure genetics plays a part, but you never really know what’s going to happen.  The one trait that parents have complete and final ruling over is the child’s name.   

So when it came time for my wife and me to pick a name for our child, we whittled down our list and settled on (what we later found out was) the 411th most popular name given to boys the year he was born. It is unique, but not off putting. It sounds familiar, but not too much to make it commonplace.  And as it turned out, it was a perfect fit for our little man. 

At the end of the day, moms and dads can give their kids any names they choose.  But they should think about the long term damage they may cause their child by giving them a uber-trendy name like Pippa Ke$ha O’Shea-Goldberg.  It's not going to be pretty. 

What's the most unusual (i.e. most cuckoo) baby name you've heard recently?

  

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